


Don't Look For Me

by onlykyloscenes



Category: Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics)
Genre: Character Death, Dubious Consent, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Oral Sex, Praise Kink, Reader-Insert, Smut, Violence, dubcon, eventually, just wait for the fucking, there will be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:14:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23226145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlykyloscenes/pseuds/onlykyloscenes
Summary: You’ve spent the last 3 years in hiding, and for good reason. You had left the Temple before Kylo Ren rose from it’s ashes, hoping to escape the coming conflict between the light and the dark. You sought true balance, and wanted to find it for yourself. But the price on the head of a Jedi, even a former one, is high; and Kylo Ren is willing to pay anything.
Relationships: Kylo Ren and You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You, Reader - Relationship, kylo ren x reader
Comments: 20
Kudos: 110





	1. Find, Look, Seek

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first real attempt at writing fic as an adult. I haven’t written a narrative story in a long time, so I’m rusty. This is set before TFA and after the Rise of Kylo Ren comics. I haven’t read them (yet) but do plan to. I’m hoping the two don’t clash. Feedback is always welcome and I hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little prelude to the story, enjoy!!

Despite what they may assume, Kylo Ren does sleep. He welcomes the feeling of turning onto his side, squeezing the pillow underneath his head. The silence that’s only cut by the steady sound of his breath. The sheets pulled tight against him, easing his mind when lately nothing can. It’s easy for him to fall asleep, the trouble is staying that way. 

What the Knights hear in the halls of the ship is what happens after Kylo drifts off, and settles in to what you can attempt to call a peaceful sleep. It’s the roar of his lightsaber coming to life, having been pulled into his hand reflexively as he woke. It’s the hiss of blast doors opening, the slaps of bare feet hitting the floor, the slight shudder of the ship coming out of hyperspace as Kylo holes up in the cockpit. He always liked to fly, even though Kuruk usually pilots the ship. It’s much larger than the Night Buzzard, but Kylo only flies when they’re in deep space in the late hours. Nothing soothes him, but flying comes close. 

Kylo Ren does sleep, and when he does you fill his worst nightmares. Your exact image has blurred as time went by, his mind filling it back in with what he imagined you look like now. Three years since he’d last seen you. Since he stood at the base of your ship’s ramp, one foot forward, urging him to step up and follow you. The other planted firmly on the ground, sure of his place at the Temple. Three years since he saw the tears swell in your eyes, realizing he wouldn’t step up.

That was a long time ago.

Now you stood in front of him, both on the same level. Not the real you, he had ruled out a force connection the second time he had the nightmare. This was his mind's version of you, and it felt real to Kylo Ren. The tears in your eyes were lost in the rain that poured down around you. You didn’t look sad or lost like before, it was more than that. You looked tired, your expressions betraying you. The anger, the disappointment, it struck him. He wanted to reach out, and speak to you the way he didn’t when you left.

But like the dreams- nightmares that preceded this one, he was frozen in place. Not being in control isn’t something Kylo Ren was used to, and in this dream, he had no control at all. He moved his head, the only part of him that would give, searching for something new about this night.

Your voice snapped his attention back to you, “you were supposed to look for me.”

There was desperation in your voice, and it threatened to break him.

“You were supposed to look for me. Why didn’t you come look for me? I needed you to help me.” This apparition of you spoke in sobs.

He tried to push against the invisible force that kept him in place. He knew what was coming, he knew he couldn’t stop it. That didn’t keep him from trying. There was something different about this night. He couldn’t see a visible difference, but he felt it.

His foot breaks through, the sudden mobility nearly sending him forward onto the ground. He finds his footing and stands before taking another step towards your image. 

You repeated the same variations of each sentence over and over again, each time stirring an old rage inside Kylo. Only a few more steps and he would reach you, but his body wouldn’t let him move any faster.

“Look for me, you promised you would come find me,” your eyes never met his, they pleaded with the vacant spot he was once trapped in. 

“Why didn’t you find me?”

_**A few more feet, he thought** _

“Look for me.”

_**I will** _

“Find me.”

_**Reach out for her** _

“Look for me!” Your eyes met his as you screamed, body slumping forward into Kylo’s outstretched arms. 

This is how it always ended. A mass would come up behind you and plunge their weapon through your abdomen, while Kylo sat there unable to move. The mass would be gone as quickly as it appeared, leaving your apparition to drop to the ground, gasping for air. 

This time was different and he had felt it. Somehow this was worse. This time he was able to move. Your body fell into his arms, and he let gravity pull both of you down slowly. Blood soaked your stomach underneath his hand, and he could feel your chest rise and fall against his body.   
Your eyes found him again and he wished he could hear the words that began to form on your mouth.

Kylo’s body jerked and his eyes opened to meet the wall next to his bed. The sheets pool at his legs as he moved onto his back. Normally, this would be when his body would shoot upright, the familiar ridges of his lightsaber digging into the palm of his hand. Normally, this is when he would find his way to the cockpit.  
But this time was different, and he felt it.

-

“Ushar, Corpis,” Kylo’s voice was low, barely picked up by the voice modulator in his mask.

The two Knights sat in the lounge, robes coated in dirt and mud. Blood was smeared on a table by Ushar’s arm as he moved to face Kylo. They both had just arrived on the ship; it was large enough to house a secondary craft just big enough to seat six. Ushar had been tasked with testing Corpis. She was eager to earn a place, but the Knights were wary and the expectations were high. It wasn’t irregular for a couple of Knights to split from the group momentarily, they went where Kylo ordered. 

“Don’t bother settling in. I need you to find someone.” 

Corpis rose swiftly from her seat. Eager. Although she was new, she already outfitted herself with a helmet, if you could call it that. The design was unconventional, more of a mask. The dark metal was crafted to look like a woman’s face, expressionless. Cradled by a helmet covering the top and back of her head, the edge reached just passed her jawline. 

Ushar remained seated, “who are we hunting,” it wasn’t a question. 

Kylo hadn’t said your name aloud since the last time he sent Ushar to look for you. He had found you then, he could find you now. 

Ushar’s back straightened when Kylo said your name. He stood and reached for his war club, “the Jedi. Again?” 

Kylo didn’t answer, and Ushar knew not to ask. The two Knights moved to gather their necessary supplies as Kylo stormed back to his quarters. Kylo Ren does sleep, but he wouldn’t again until Ushar returned.

-

“A Jedi?” Corpis sat in the co-pilot seat and waited. 

Ushar reached up and pulled a lever down, detaching the smaller ship from the cruiser. He punched in coordinates, as if he knew exactly where they should start, and pushed the ship into hyperspace, “she’s not a Jedi anymore.”


	2. Two of a Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know that saber. It’s a split saber; only it’s missing a piece. Yes, I know that saber, and I know who it belongs to,” he paused before saying your name. Your real name.
> 
> He took long, slow strides, swinging the club in his hands as he went on, “so, that can't be the saber I'm remembering. Because you’re Jissani Pashol!” His voice mimicked the announced that cheered for your defeat earlier.
> 
> "And," he said your name again, as if it was a question, "well she’s chained up in my ship,” he huffed out a laugh, “imagine that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoy, and I hope the reveal is clear! feedback is always welcome!

“Round 6, JISSANI!” 

The crowd surrounding you on every possible side erupted as a reprogrammed protocol droid hoisted your arm in the air as far as it would go with you doubled over at the waist. By the time you got out of this mess, you would consider stripping it for parts. 

Not that the situation you found yourself in was the fault of the droid, you did that on your own. You knew these crime syndicates obsessed over their money and deals, but not enough to sick bounty hunter after bounty hunter on you. It had been 4 months since the last one, and you let your guard slip. Fortunately, there was a caveat in your favor. You weren’t just some random syndicate bruiser, no, you had value. Once upon a time, you served as an assassin for Sal Brurick, the leader of the syndicate. 

It was good pay, and the work came a little too naturally to you. But no matter how good the pay is, what’s the point if there are limits to what you can buy, let alone what you can do or where you can go. So when you heard whispers that Sal was in the market for a new assassin, you had to run. After all, you get to know someone’s deepest secrets when you’re the one making sure those secrets stay buried. That, combined with stolen credits, stolen spice, and a few other stolen valuables put you high on the bounty list. 

Once you were scratched off the list, you ended up six rounds in fighting for your- well you weren’t entirely sure what you were fighting for. Your life, definitely, but if they wanted to kill you they sure were taking their time. These gladiator fights are just one of the ways the syndicate makes their money, and the crowd they drew was dripping in credits. You wondered in round one if anyone had placed a bet on you. You couldn't have many enemies in the crowd. Regardless, that was five opponents and a whole world of pain ago; you hoped whoever did bet on you had cashed in already. There was no way you’d make it six mores rounds, maybe not even two. 

Your ears rang, muffling the roars of the crowd and the whining of the announcer’s speakers. It was a miracle you weren’t seeing double, though you could barely raise your head to look in front of you. 

“Next combatant, Dzuma! Place your final bets now, I’m not sure how much longer she’ll last!” The quip came from the same announcer who predicted you’d get spaced in the second round. 

One of the only rules followed in the rings was that you couldn’t use a signature weapon, the unfamiliarity making the fights more feral. The choices were slim in the hanger they kept you in before you could walk out. You settled for an old Separatist electro staff. Not your first pick, but it can land some of the largest guys on their backs if you know where to strike. 

Your opponent, Dzuma, made a bold choice. From afar you could tell he would easily tower over you, and his chosen weapon told you he would try to use that to his advantage. He walked into the ring using a tall battle hammer as a walking stick. It looked heavy, easy to dodge, hard to strike from the front. You tried to steady yourself, bracing your hands on your knees before standing tall.

The bell rang, signaling the start of the fight, and he charged. You took your time and tried to get a few deep breaths in before you had to roll to the right, the hammer shaking the ground as it struck nothing. The electro staff came to life as you rose, spinning to face Dzuma. You struck twice quickly, one end of the staff connecting with his elbow, the other end meeting the hilt of his hammer. 

He arched the hammer down, locking it with the center of your staff when you raised it to block. With the head of the hammer lodged over your staff, a forceful pull sent you a few feet away and onto your stomach. You didn’t have time to wonder where your staff had landed, you barely had time to flip over before Duzma swung again.

He swung the hammer underhanded, aiming for your head. It was a blow that would have surely ended the fight had you not raised both arms to absorb the impact. Your right arm and vambraces took the most damage, the pain dimmed by the sudden rush of adrenaline. By chance had been knocked further back, landing on the dormant electro staff. This time, when the hammer came down, you dodged and let it pound into the ground again. It landed on the clawed end and stuck for a moment.

Long enough for you to land a kick to one of his kneecaps. It gave, sending him down to a crouch. Before he got the chance to retaliate, you lunged to grip the hammer yourself. With two sets of hands firmly against the skinny handle, you got ahead and jumped backward so that you were standing behind Duzma. The hammer's long handle caught on his neck and you shifted all of your weight back, cutting off his airway. He struggled, but his hands were in no position to gain back the upper hand, and he had no way to get a proper footing.

You pulled further, arms quaking in the struggle. Slowly your hearing came into a slighter focus. You could hear the crowd raging, the announcer in disbelief. You could hear Duzma gurgling and knew you didn’t need much longer. Only a few more moments. 

You didn’t hear any of the blasts, but you felt the waves of vibrations they sent. You counted three spread around the circular arena. The hammer fumbled in your grasp, sending you and Duzma crashing to the ground. You both gasped for breath and searched aimlessly for your composure. It took too long to gather yourself, and find your feet again. 

There was something about the response from the crowd. If your hearing had returned, it was gone again, all three blasts rang in your ears endlessly. By the look of the damage, the blasts came from thermal detonators. Flames emerged from the three gaping holes where spectators once sat cheering at the carnage you had faced for nearly an hour. If the initial blast didn’t send those who were left scrambling, the fires did. Their screams slowly pierced the ringing of your ears, but for whatever reason, you couldn’t react just yet. Your eyes drifted from the crowd to the gallery boxes seated too high to the detonators to reach. They were empty; Sal would have been rushed out the moment one of his bodies heard the blast. Now was your chance to run.

Movement next to you grabbed your attention. Duzma found the strength to rise to his feet. You were horrified at the sight of him, the sight of the damage you caused. His neck was already bruised purple, his eyes bloodshot from the lack of oxygen. The defeat in his eyes dissipated to fear as his head lifted to look up. 

Your movements were slowed from exhaustion, your body threatening to shut down that very moment. Something told you, you needed to move. You needed to get to your droid and get to your ship. Most importantly, you needed your lightsaber. Looking up, your gut was right. You suddenly knew why three thermal detonators went off in an amphitheater full of syndicate members. 

Hovering above the arena was a ship you were all too familiar with. Dark smoke plummed from the engines as it slowly landed in the arena. Two cloaked figures emerged from the opened hatch and made the short hop onto the dirt. 

“Go,” you spoke to Duzma but he stood frozen, “now, go!” 

He looked as if an invisible force shook him in his place. He turned quickly and headed for the nearest exit not engulfed in flames. 

Turning to face the two saboteurs, you caught the familiar buzz of your droid floating nearby, waiting. You raised your arm and caught the saber that fell from the sky, giving it a quick flourish in your hand before igniting the blade. If they knew where you were, that means they couldn’t know where _she_ is. Concealing your identity didn't matter when you were about to go head to head with two Knights of Ren. 

**_Ren._ **

You pushed the name to the back of your mind and focused.

As the two approached, you put a name to one of the helmets. The other was foreign to you, “you’re new.”

The anonymous Knight tilted their head to the side in a way that made your body tense. They unsheathed a staff from behind her back, both ends sharpened to a point.

“That’s never a good sign,” you spoke under your breath before turning your attention to the Knight you did recognize, Ushar.

He spoke first, “that saber looks familiar. Don’t see those lying around in any pawn shop, so when I do get a look at one, it’s hard to forget.” 

You wished he would get on with it. But if Ushar liked anything more than setting off bombs, it was the merciless testing before a fight. Your eyes glanced at the second Knight, taking note of their position, and then back at Ushar.

“I know that saber. It’s a split saber; only it’s missing a piece. Yes, I know that saber, and I know who it belongs to,” he paused before saying your name. Your real name.

He took long, slow strides, swinging the club in his hands as he went on, “so, that can't be the saber I'm remembering. Because you’re Jissani Pashol!” His voice mimicked the announced that cheered for your defeat earlier.

"And," he said your name again, as if it was a question, "well she’s chained up in my ship,” he huffed out a laugh, “imagine that.” 

Your thoughts struggled to form in your head. You had been careful. Meticulously careful. Not even the New Republic would be able to piece this together. There was a reason _he_ would send Ushar. Of all the Knights, Ushar’s track record was the cleanest. He always delivered. You hated to admit it, but Ushar uncovering your best-kept secret somehow _fit_. 

“Are you going to tell _him_ you fell for it? Or will you pretend that finding my decoy was all part of your plan?” You smirked at the sight of his hands squeezing the club in his hands. Ushar thought of his hunt as a game, and you were his favorite player. 

He sheathed the club and reached into his pocket, pulling out something you couldn’t pinpoint from a distance. A hologram of a woman handcuffed to the floor hovered above his hand. It was Jissani Pashol. The real Jissani Pashol. She was a mirror image of you, even in hologram form; it’s why your switch worked so well for so long. 

“Between you and me, you’re right. I did fall for the switch initially. When we got a hit on Coruscant, it sounded so ridiculous that I realized why she’d hide there. No one in the galaxy would ever think a Jedi would have the nerve to shack up on Coruscant.” They both had started to circle you, not too close but not too far. 

He continued, “the resemblance is uncanny, too. You had to do your hair a little different, but other than that it’s spot on. Two of a kind. I mean, how you got so lucky to find someone that looks just like you _and_ happens to be looking for the reset button, too? Maybe the Force does favor the Jedi. Skywalker would be proud.” 

The name struck deep, just as Ushar intended. Your weight shifted towards him, wanting to put an end to his over-explanation.

“Let’s get on with it Ushar. Did he finally send you to kill me? I don’t remember you being so forward the last time,” the second Knight left your peripheral as you spoke. 

To your surprise, Ushar did not reach for his club. In fact, he took a few steps back to perch on the elevated entrance to their ship. He nodded towards the second Knight.

“You know how it is, kiddo. It’s never that simple with him. He wants you alive, I'm not sure why,” he kicked a knee up to lean on, “go ahead Corpis, she looks half-beat already.” 

Corpis. Not one of the established Knights. Luckily, all of Ushar’s talking gave your body a chance to settle. Your breathing was now even, and your heartbeat at least wasn’t pounding against your eardrums. With the lack of adrenaline, the pain crept into your nerves. If your right arm didn't break when the hammer hit, it had to have at least fractured. Blood and sweat stuck to your skin and hair.

You didn’t just look half beat, you felt it. But, there was no way you were going down easy with Ushar watching in the gallery. 

You weren’t shocked that her staff had electro-plasma currents on either end. You could hear the vibrations that radiated from them. Ushar was right when he said you had a split saber, the two halves coming together to form a duel ended blade or separating into two single blades. Which is why it was easy to predicts Corpis’ advances. Block low, high, middle, dodge. You knew these forms like you knew how to speak.

You took advantage of the opening she gave while going through the forms. Your saber came up between the electric ends, slicing the weapon in half. The momentum sent one end flying out of Corpis’s hand. You quickly recovering the severed end in your right hand and spun to angle the tip to their back. You brought the saber under their chin and felt them still. In their left hand, the other end of the staff hovered in the air. Pinned from the front and back, they had nowhere to go.

Ushar didn’t move from his perched position, he simply raised a blaster toward you and Corpis. He wouldn’t shoot, you both knew that. From the distance and the angle of your bodies, he didn’t have a clean shot. He could stun the two of you, but your saber could easily cut through Corpis’ neck as you went down. 

“They really must have lowered the standards for Knights these days,” you could only imagine the rage in Corpis’ eyes, “see how he hasn’t moved from that spot? He doesn’t care what happens to you.” 

“It’s been fun, Ushar, but I really must get going. Why don’t you let Jissani go, and you can have your junior paladin back,” Corpis shifted in your grasp, and you push their blade harder into their back. 

Despite the obvious discomfort it causes, the Knight laughed, “this isn’t a negotiation. One way or another _he’ll_ get what he wants. Why it’s you I’ll never understand.” 

“You’re not taking me to him. Come on, Ushar. Tell him the trail went cold, that you found me dead in an alley, make something up, anything, just like last time,” you could see Corpis cock her head towards Ushar. 

It was then they must have realized you and Ushar were more than familiar with each other. You _know_ each other, and you knew Ushar would consider the proposition. 

“ _He_ knows me, and he knows you. If you say you couldn’t find any sign of me, he’ll buy it. He has no reason to suspect you’d lie,” it was true. All the Knights were unconditionally obedient to their Master, most of the time. 

You knew Ushar wanted to take the deal, “I’ll tell you what, kid. You give me double what you did last time and I’ll think about it. But you have to take care of, her.”

He gestured the blaster still aimed at your head towards the second Knight. _Her_ . You heard her released a shuddered breath. _Take care of her_ he said. You weren’t sure what else you expected. Before, it was just you and Ushar. There was no one else around to watch him let you go. If you were to trust him- no, believe him, there could be no witnesses. 

Corpis scoffed, trying to maintain her composure, but you could feel her shaking in your grasp.

“It’s against the Jedi way to murder. You’re going to go against that and believe him,” she spat the last word at her fellow Knight. 

It _was_ against the Jedi way to murder, that much has been clear since the beginning of the order. Killing wasn’t always avoidable, but in this instance it was. Your enemy was at your mercy, weapon in hand but made no move to use it. You won. You didn’t need to kill her; but there it was, slowly creeping up from the darkest place in your mind. The urge to follow through. You wanted freedom, and you were ready to do anything to get it. The possibilities of what would happen if you didn’t skip through your head. Ushar would be forced to kill her, she heard too much already. He wouldn’t let you go after that, he liked to do things his way. He would kill her and take you hostage. Probably torment you just because he could. He’d wait until you begged him to not take you to _him_ and only then would he tease you with a release and then yank it from you again. 

You didn’t just want to do this, no, you needed to. For yourself, for Jissani. She didn’t do anything other than wish for a new life. You promised to help her, to protect her if she needed you. 

“What will it be, Jedi.” Corpis’s breath quickened with every second you hesitated. 

It was then that Ushar moved; closing the distance to you. Behind the mask, you knew his eyes were boring into yours. He knew the decision you would make before you did, and it sickened you to think he knew the processes of your thoughts. He stopped just in front of where you held the second Knight. 

He turned his head to look at her, “didn’t I tell you? She’s no Jedi”

Corpis let out a hushed breath, following Ushar as he looked back to you. In one movement, you plunged the end of Corpis’ staff into her back and pulled the blade of your saber through her neck. You stepped back to let her body slump to the dirt between you and Ushar. 

Your body shook, eyes refusing to look at the carnage beneath you. The sound of the two separate thuds, one heavy the other light, hitting the ground would never leave your mind. It was the trophy you'd be forced to take with you forever. It was all you could do to not collapse from exhaustion, head held forward as Ushar stalked your perimeter, humming in amusement. He left your peripheral and disappeared behind you. The saber in your hand died. 

“I’m impressed, kid. I was beginning to think you wouldn’t fall for it.”

**_Did he say follow-through_ **

**_No. Fall for it. He didn’t think you would fall for it_ **

Your thumb brushed the switch to activate your saber, but before you got the chance you felt something prick your neck. The scene surrounding you blurred, your head spinning as you fell to the ground. Black spots formed in your vision and you could feel yourself slipping into unconsciousness.

Heavy footfalls thundered in your head, accompanied by laugher. That laughter, you knew it, and you hated it. It was terrorizing, striking fear deep within you, latching itself to your thoughts. It echoed and you wanted to scream against it, but you couldn’t move. Your body was paralyzed, your brain struggling to keep you awake. 

“I’m sorry kid,” Ushar had never been sorry for anything, “things just never happen the same way twice.” 

It was the last thing your head slumped back, welcoming the darkness that engulfed you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Too short? Too long? Don't worry, there will by kylo x reader interaction in the next chapter!  
> you can also find this on my tumblr: onlykyloscenes.tumblr.com


	3. Old Comrades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where are we, your playroom? Where are your playmates?” 
> 
> Ushar laughed, that laugh that you knew preceded something truly terrible, “well, they’re with our friend.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood and violence

“Wake up,” the voice was hushed in your head, “I’m tired of waiting,  _ wake up _ .” 

The surface beneath you felt hard and cold. Metal. There was a tenderness in the back of your head, and a sharp pain radiating from the center of your forehead. After being paralyzed and unconscious for however long, the expectation is that it takes you a while to recall where you are and why. That isn’t the case for you; every maddening detail came right to you as soon as you slipped back in. Your body still unable to move, eyes unable to stay open long enough to make out your surroundings. 

But your mind buzzed. 

Anger flooded you, drowning you for however many hours you’d been under. This had to be a trick of Ushar’s; a sedative that won’t let you stop thinking about how you’d probably be dead in less than a day. 

A pair of hands yanked you back into the world, slamming you onto the hard ground. Your eyes finally opened, searching for Ushar. 

He stood above you, “that did it. Come on padawan, you’re going to miss the show.” 

It was then you realized you were in a cell; a cell that was clearly on a different ship than the small shuttle Ushar dragged you in. There were no restraints to your hands and ankles. You could see into the hallway; no door. Taking the chance, you sprung from the ground and bounded for the hall, ignoring the snicker coming from Ushar’s modulator. 

As quickly as you made it to the threshold, you stopped dead in your tracks, nose an inch from the red ray shield that appeared. It made no sound, only a vibration that teased you with a glimpse of freedom. A blast door would have been much easier to break out of. 

“Never gets old,” Ushar was quick to force you face-first against the wall to your left, “sorry kid, you know I like to play.” 

He locked both wrists behind your back, securing them with restraints. He lingered behind you for longer than you liked. 

“Where are we, your playroom? Where are your playmates?” 

Ushar laughed, that laugh that you knew preceded something truly terrible, “well, they’re with our friend.” 

Your heart sank to the pit of your stomach, already knowing what that meant. If you were here, then Jissani was too. And it was all because of you. 

Ushar deactivated the ray shield and pushed you forward, his hand never losing its grip on your shackles. You recognized the ship as soon as you left the cell. You’d never been on the Night Buzzard before, but Ushar had explained it to you in detail once. He led you to the front of the ship. Light flooded from the dropped ramp, and you could see an endless ocean in the distance. 

Your heart rate accelerated when you find Jissani. She was on her knees, hands shackled behind her back, like yours. A piece of cloth tied around her mouth, muffling any attempt at calling out to you. 

She was nearly unidentifiable to you. The Knights were known for treating their captives less than poorly, but still. Sometimes it was to get information, sometimes it was just because they’re sadistic animals. Jissani’s hair was tattered, the color dulled by what you assumed was blood from a head wound. The left side of her face was bruised and split at the eyebrow and lip, her head barely able to hold itself up. 

Two Knights stood on either side of her, though you weren’t sure of their names. One held a Mandalorian ax, the other appeared weaponless, his hand gripping one of Jissani’s shoulders. 

Ushar shoved you down to your knees in front of Jissani.

“How long’s it been since you’ve seen each other? Don't answer that, little Jissani already told me” 

You tried meeting Jissani’s eyes, but they remained focused on the ground. She didn’t look angry, it was worse. She looked guilty, guilty because you both know they got your location out of her. The fact didn’t make you resent her. Before deciding to switch lives, you had hundreds of conversations about the possible dangers each other would face. It didn’t matter. You were both desperate for an out. 

“Hey,” you craned your neck, searching for eye contact, “Jissani look at me.” 

The Knight to her left kicked at her, and you could see her wince.

“That’s enough,” you snapped at him, glaring into the void of the mask. 

You could hear Ushar chuckle to your left. Jissani pulled your attention back, and this time she was looking at you. Tears swelled in her eyes, and you knew what she wanted to say. 

“Don’t. I’m sorry. I let this happen, I wasn’t careful. We should’ve stuck together as you suggested.” She shook her head. 

“Let her go, Ushar,” you kept your eyes on her, “you got me, you got what  _ he  _ wanted. Now just let her go.” 

He scoffed, “why would I do that. She’s a loose end.” 

“Because the very existence of her role in this proves your incompetence. You didn’t find  _ me.  _ You fell for a trick,” you spat the words at him.

The two other Knights shuffled before one spoke, “she’s right. Ren wouldn’t like it.”

“That’s exactly why we’re here, Ap’lek,” Ushar moved between the two to hoist Jissani up.

You tried shuffling one of your feet under you, only to be shoved back down by Ap’lek, who shifted to stand next to you. 

Ushar looked to you and then back to Jissani. He gripped her chin and held her face to his. It made you squirm in the Knight’s grasp, desperate to yank her away. The hand on your shoulder tightened, and it took everything in you not to let out a pained groan.

“You did so well for me, so I’m going to let you go. I hope you remember our time together. Like how I like the ocean, do you remember that? That’s why I chose this planet. I want you to remember me  _ forever _ .” 

You could see the fear in Jissani’s eyes. Every time she tried stepping away or turning her face, Ushar pulled her back. He leaned closer, the mouth of his mask brushing against her ear. 

“You should also remember… that I hate loose ends.” 

You weren't sure what caused it at first, you just saw the grimace on Jissani’s face as she looked down at Ushar’s hand. You heard the squelching of something being twisted. You felt the floor shake as her body collapsed. Then you saw the dagger.

You tried to form words as the scream left you, only it came out as nonsense. The nameless Knight moved to restrain you, keeping you from hurling yourself forward towards Jissani’s fallen body. The knife that stuck out of her was long, the deep wound seeping blood onto the grated metal floor. Finally, your face hit the ground and by some miracle, you shuffled towards her. The tears stung in your eyes. The pool of blood instantly soaked through the sleeve of your shirt and coated your hair as you continued to scoot closer, the slick liquid allowing you more movement. You sat up next to her, nudging her body for any sign of consciousness. 

There was more you wanted to say to her. You wanted to thank her, to tell her over and over so that she would know how much you meant it. She had saved you, and not just by handing over every detail of her identity, but by being there when you had no one. It was never just a business partnership for you, it was friendship. Friendship like you hadn’t known your whole life, one not bound by the constraints of codes or oaths. 

There was too much you wanted to say, and now she would never hear it. Her eyes were blank and open, staring out into what could have been a new world for her.

Ushar grabbed you by the arm before you had the chance to recoil and shoved you back. He retrieved the knife from her abdomen, sending more blood to the floor. With his boot he shoved her body down the ramp, letting it fall into the ocean below. 

“You bastard! You fucking- Fuck!” You continued to scream at Ushar as he closed the ramp. 

He wiped the knife off on his robe, “put her back. Set course for Dasheen.”

“I’ll fucking kill you Ushar, you  _ can’t _ take me to him!”

Ap’lek and the nameless Knight drug you from your failed attempt at tripping Ushar to get him on your level. They drug you away, kicking and screaming, feet trying to find a place to stand or a wall to kick off of. 

“I’m a cruel man, kid, what did you expect.” 

You would’ve responded, had you not been carelessly tossed back into your cell. Honestly, it’s exactly what you should’ve expected from Ushar. It was the person you always knew he was, even if you’d never seen it. Even if you’d seen someone different once. But this, he, was someone you never wanted to see again. 

The blood on your skin dried first. There was no running water in the cell, just a metal bed bolted to the wall. You wiped as much as you could off on the fabric of your tunic shirt that wasn’t already soaked. It was no use; you laid there for hours soaked in Jissani’s blood. The tears came and went. They came from grief, from anger. When they finally stopped, you started to think about what you could do. 

**_ They can’t kill me _ ** . 

You went over the plan in your head when you felt the ship come out of hyperspace, and again when it was clear you had entered the atmosphere of whatever desolate planet they brought you to. 

It starts with a D. Not Dathomir. Not Dantooine. It didn’t matter. The plan. 

Ushar wouldn’t be bold enough to escort you closely, it would be the other two: Ap’lek, the one with the ax, and another who carried a blaster. You needed to wait to get to the ramp, let it open. They’re large men, you just need to get them to the ground and get a head start to the cockpit. It will have a blast door, you just needed a few minutes. Act defeated, take them by surprise, move quickly. 

Your body was weak, but this was your last option. 

You heard the boots thunder down the hall before you saw them through the red ray shield. Ushar and Ap’lek, which meant the other must be flying the ship. It had slowed considerably; you were about to land. 

The shield vanished, and you sat up on the metal frame. Your legs hung over the edge, feet planted on the ground. 

“Don’t try it,” Ap’lek stepped in and swung the ax so that it hovered by your neck.

You hadn’t planned on it, and let Ushar cuff your wrists in front of you. He tugged at them, ensuring they were secure. Once he was satisfied he stood for a moment, looking down at you. Not like he wanted, you raised your head to mirror him. 

Ap’lek retracted the ax and pulled you up, his free hand around your upper arm. Ushar walked ahead of you, while Ap’lek escorted you behind him. The ship landed, but the hand on your arm kept you from losing balance. The hum of the engine cut and a fourth pair of footsteps fell in line behind you. 

You heard the ramp begin to lower, and made your move. 

Yanking your arm free, you connected your foot with the outside of Ap’lek’s knee. It sent him to one knee, and the ax came swinging horizontally. He overshot you barely bent far enough to dodge it. When you straightened, the momentum caused the ax to lodge in the wall of the ship. Not waiting for him to pull it free, you ran for the pilot. His blaster was already aimed, but he knew there wasn’t a clear shot.

You closed the distance easily and grabbed the barrel of the blaster with your shackled hands. It went off as you turned it from you, the beam tearing through the center of the shackle and burning up your palms. A boot connected with his abdomen, shoving him to the wall so you could run. 

The blast door to the cockpit opened, and you ducked in as soon as you could fit. A sharp pain radiated across your hand as you slammed the control panel to close it again. With all of the force you could muster, you send your elbow into the panel. The sound of shot electric currents signaled it was dysfunctional. 

Your name was being shouted through the blast door, followed by the clash of metal against metal.

**_ Auxiliary, ignition, compressor, thrusters _ **

Your palms stung again as you lift the controls.

Only the ship was unresponsive. Alarms blared and the engine sputtered. 

“No, no, no, come _ on,”  _ you double-checked what you could’ve missed and found nothing. 

The blast door shuddered open, and multiple pairs of hands yanked you from the chair. Struggling was pointless, but you thrashed anyways. When your head stilled, you noticed new black-clad Knights were restraining you. 

Two held you to the wall of the cockpit, while another restrained your legs. They cuffed your wrists together once more, and then urged you forward. Two were latched to your arms while two flanking behind you. 

One Knight, the pilot, leaned close to your ear and whispered, “I think eventually you’ll agree that it pays to modify your ship.” 

The movement you had left allowed you to turn your head and spit on the mouth of his mask, earning you a slap to your face that left your vision dotted. 

“Enough,” your head snapped up at a new voice. 

The two Knights pushed you towards the three additional Knights in the hanger. Seven Knights, you thought, that couldn’t be right. With Corpis that would make eight. Four guarding you, three in front of you. The Knights of Ren weren’t a group that recruited often.

That’s when your eyes surveyed the Knight in the center and saw the lightsaber. 

You hoped he could see the disgust in your face. The Jedi hadn’t been your home for nearly a year before he desecrated it, but it hurt no less. To feel the anguish, the void through the Force and not be able to do anything left you shaken for months. You should have been there. 

There wasn’t an inch of skin not concealed by black armor. He looked different, he was taller, broader. And the mask. The mask was as ghostly as people said.

They also called him Jedi Killer, and he looked the part. 

A focused humming filled your head, spreading uncomfortably, consuming the thoughts and images in your head. In the center of them all a raven-haired man, broken eyes staring up at you.

**_ Ben Solo. _ **

His hands clenched at his sides and the humming subsided. 

“I hear you made things quite...  _ difficult _ for my Knights. Though you always have been,” he thought about his next word carefully, “challenging.” 

The modulator muffled his voice, drawing it out in a rasp. 

“Perhaps you should have sent someone who could meet the challenge,” Ushar made no movements in response to your jest, but you knew he wanted to. 

**_ They can’t kill me. He wouldn’t let them. _ **

Ben-  _ Kylo,  _ hummed, seeming slightly amused, “they caught what they were looking for in the end.”

He turned his head to Ushar, “take her to an isolated cell. Begin the interrogation without me.” 

Kylo looked back to you and surveyed your figure. It had to be quite the sight compared to when you saw him last. Old comrades, now completely unrecognizable to each other. 

“It was nice to meet you,” you said plainly as he passed behind you to the Knight’s shuttle. He did not react. 

The rest followed, save for one. 

Ushar stepped forward, drawing your gaze to him. 

He cocked his head and brought his hands to cup the sides of your face, “we’re going to have some fun, kid. I just  _ love _ knowing what my prisoner’s limits are.” 

The hands dropped from your face to the small of your back, pressing you to walk as he moved behind you 

**_ No, they couldn’t kill you, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t come close. _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I'm sorry this probably wasn't the interaction you expected! Still, I hope you enjoyed!  
> You can find me on tumblr! onlykyloscenes.tumblr.com


	4. To Bring Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you wish to know the name of every merchant and engineer I spoke to in the last two years, you’re going to run out of skin to mutilate.” 
> 
> He laughed softly in your ear, “it’s no merchant or engineer I want to hear about… Tell me about the transmission you received from Leia Organa.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: there's blood and violence and torture in this chapter! If this is something that bothers you, let me know in the comments and I will provide a chapter summary!

Ushar was nothing if not relentless. 

He carted you through the halls of what was somewhere between a military base and a prison. There were no signs of any stormtroopers, leading you to suggest this was more of an off-sight facility strictly used by the Knights. 

You tried to take note of the path he led you on, but as time went on the turns all blurred together. He eventually led you through a blast door, leading into a circular control room. It was clear to you that you were now in the detention wing. A second blast door lifted to the ceiling to reveal a hallway lined with cells. At the end laid another door, and Ushar rushed you towards it.

You had expected it to be Ushar’s own personal torture chamber, complete with a vast array of terrifying tools and horrors.

Instead, the room was empty. There were no other doors or windows that you could see. From what you could see in the darkness that consumed the room, there was only a metal post bolted to the ground on the far end. A single spotlight lit the post. 

“Cozy,” you muttered as Ushar pushed you further into the room. 

Your eyes slowly became acquainted with the lack of light, and you took in the sight of your new restraints. 

The post itself stood about six feet tall. A chain came from a coil near the wall behind the post and through a hole in the top. It hung down the front, wrist bindings clanking softly against the pole.

Standing, Ushar replaced the cuffs on your wrists with the shackles attached to the bottom of the chain. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen restraints that required the use of a key. Your wrists clasped close together, but the lack of solid metal forcing them apart gave you some comfort. 

Once satisfied, Ushar shoved you down so that you were kneeling on the hard metal flooring, your bottom resting on top of your heels. Now that your legs were immobile, he bent to remove your boots and socks, tossing them to the side. His footsteps faded behind you, as you could hear the metal chain being pulled taut. Your arms raised with the chain until they hung above your head, the cuffs catching on the butt of your hands. 

He came to face you again, lowering himself to squat in front of you. 

“Here’s how this will work, kid. I’m gonna ask you some questions and if you don’t answer them, I’m gonna have to hurt you.” His hand gripped your mouth on either side, thumb digging into your cheek.

The more you try to tear from his grasp, the harder he presses. 

“I'm sorry beforehand. I'm not going to be gentle this time.”

He produced something from under his cloak; it was a small device, fitting in his hand like a stylus. On one end sat an extended blade, the other end looked like an emitter of some sort. Ushar moved his thumb along the stylus, and a small red beam glowed from the emitter. It was a field cauterizer, that had been fitted and modified with a blade. They were made to seal minors lacerations, to quickly stop bleeding in the field. The use of Ushar’s modification was clear to you; with the blade, he could make the most minuscule of cuts on your body and, with the laser, seal the wounds before you bled out.

You pulled hard on the chains, desperate to coil your body away from Ushar’s approaching hands. They settled on your knees at first, his thumbs rubbing on the inside of your kneecap. Slowly, he trailed them up and outward, circling the surface area of your thighs. An involuntary shiver radiated from his touch, and you tried focusing on the metal device pushing into the plush skin.

“Ushar. Please.” He hummed in response, eyes glued to the lower half of your body. You knew he liked it when they begged. His hope, you assumed, would be that you’d beg him to continue, but this was not that. 

You could feel the tightness of the fabric covering your legs loosen as Ushar hooked the blade into the material, somehow managing to not knick any skin. You kept your head straight, eyes boring into the blast door in the distance as Ushar made several strategically placed cuts on your trousers. With only a few pulls here and there he had managed to rid you of them, leaving you nearly exposed if not for your underwear. 

His hands resumed their previous task of fondling your now bare skin. Now, the approaching reality sunk in, and your body froze preparing for the worst, though the Ushar’s cruel nature made it difficult to determine what that could be. Your breathing patterns couldn’t be less in sync. Ushar’s was even, moving with the rhythm of his hands. Your breath left with more urgency, your chest heaving with anticipation. 

He leaned forward to rest his head on yours, “sh sh sh. Try not to scream this time.” 

“Alright,” he sat back on his heels, “so where have you been the last two years.” 

The cauterize clicked on, hovering over your thigh. You could feel the heat pulsing from the tip; painful but bearable. For now, it seemed Ushar had no interest in exploring your body further with his hands.

“I’ve been a lot of places in two years,” you released the breath you didn't notice you had held as the blade inched closer, “you’re going to have to be. More specific.” 

A surge of pain radiated from your thigh as Ushar flipped the device in his hand to bring the blade down and pierce the skin. A shout rang out from your chest before you clamped down on your bottom lip to muffle your cries. Your body trashed against the post, but Ushar’s hands kept your right thigh still. 

“During my time with your… doppelganger, the one thing I could never get out of her was what planet you were hiding out on. I tormented her and tormented her. Nothing. Probed her mind and still, nothing. Eventually, I had to accept the possibility that she truly didn’t know. The closest I could gather is that you were holed up in the mid rim somewhere, dodging the New Republic and the syndicate.” 

The groans escaping you nearly drowned out Ushar’s voice as your teeth bit harder down onto your bottom lip. The line he drew with the blade was long and deep and when he pulled back you could just make out a four-inch vertical cut with blood spilling down the curves of your leg. He flipped the device in his hand once more, pausing before the beam could sterilize the wound.

“It must have been lonely. I often wonder, did you miss me, pretty thing? Who else kept you company those two long years?” Ushar’s mask met your ear again, the rough metal cool against your rising temperature. 

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you took deep but ragged breaths, “but I kept myself company after you left. As you said, the fewer people that know you. The better.” 

He brought the cauterizer down abruptly, drawing another pained scream. Ushar shushed you, nuzzling his mask further into your cheek. His fingers moved the beam from memory, singeing the skin and closing the cut. 

“Are you saying you had no contact during your years in isolation?” 

“If you wish to know the name of every merchant and engineer I spoke to in the last two years, you’re going to run out of skin to mutilate.” 

He laughed softly in your ear, “it’s no merchant or engineer I want to hear about… Tell me about the transmission you received from Leia Organa.” 

“I don’t know what you’re-ah!” Ushar brought the sharp metal to your thigh again, curving a new red line on your paling skin. 

Ushar’s other hand took hold of your face, angling it towards him, your eyes lined up with the black void of his visor, “we pulled the transmission from your ship. It’s old and the message was deleted of course, but old ships leave so many clues. Tell me about the message, and I’ll stop.” 

Air blew violently from your nose, but you managed to match his cynically playful demeanor, “your poor attempts at interrogation are useless. I was beaten senseless in that pit before you found me. You can’t cut the information out of me, Ushar, and you murdered the only leverage you had.” 

The gloved hand holding your jaw pushed back and slammed your head against the metal post, but you continued, “you have… _nothing_.”

“Oh, kid,” Ushar purred, “I think you’ll find I have _everything_ I need.” 

\----- 

Ushar was nothing if not relentless. 

You kept track of the hours as best you could in the beginning, but as your eye swelled and head spun, the intervals between beatings and questions became impossible to estimate. 

Once Ushar was satisfied with you on your knees, he hauled you to your feet, arms still suspended above your head. The questions came and went without answer, always followed by Ushar’s fist meeting your body. When his fingers became cramped, he switched hands, and when he could no longer hold the fist, he went back to the cauterizer. You tried to think of the arena, the six different opponents Sal Brurick forced you to fight. Each question was a different opponent until Ushar pushed you well beyond the sixth round. Eventually, your body began to hang, your feet barely having the strength to keep you standing. 

He pressed on, only stopping when he felt you would lose consciousness. It was then he burned what cuts you had closed, and unchained you. Of course, the chains you had were only replaced by mobile ones, two sets keeping your wrists and ankles connected by shorter chains. Reluctantly you allowed him to support your weight as he led you off to the side of the room. You blinked slowly, eyes finding it harder to track Ushar’s movements around you. A lock clicked into place, and a lever gave a loud whine.

A pressured stream of cold water threw your body into shock. Freezing temperatures lifted goosebumps over you and stung into the fresh burns on your skin. Though Ushar had seen you at your most vulnerable before, you were grateful for the tunic that covered what parts of you that weren’t yet exposed. Blood cascaded from all different regions: from the coat knotted into your hair, to the dried remnants of Jissani covering your shirt and face. Fresh blood mixed with old fell down your body and the crimson pool emptied into the drain below you.

Steam crawled through the air around you, and it took a few moments for the shriek to escape your lips.

The water that felt like ice now felt like hot lava pouring over the falls of Mustafar. It woke your body and sent you into a frenzy, desperately leaning in any direction that would alleviate the heat. 

“Tell me why she contacted you!” Ushar had lost his patience. 

You could barely hear him over your screams, but you managed to shout a surrender. The water ceased, the few seconds of heat doing damage you couldn’t yet assess. 

Your legs gave out, the chain keeping you attached to the pipes just low enough to allow you to sit on the ground.

“Leia,” it became harder to breathe, “Leia she- she did contact me.” 

He leaned for the handle, “I know that already.” 

“Wait! Wait!” 

“Tell me something I don’t know! What did the message _say!_ ” Ushar rushed down to your level, his modulator cutting out the more his volume grew. 

There was no longer any strength left in you to recoil from his touch. Your head fell against your arm and you couldn’t bring yourself to look up, “the Resistance. Luke. She told me he was alive. Alive, but gone.” 

Ushar stood, and turned the lever. You braced yourself for more hot water but were met with a cooling relief. It was no longer an intense pressure, and it alleviated some of the pain. He waited for you to continue. 

“She thought he might have tried to reach out to me. When I told her he hadn’t, she asked me to join the Resistance. To join the cause and help find Luke.” You could feel the walls around your memory fade with every time you spoke the words. Leia. Resistance. Luke. They haunted you, manifesting a burn within you far worse than the ones on your body now.

The water stopped again, Ushar temporarily sated. The chains once binding you fell to the ground, the clatter ringing in your ears after they settled.

You felt a new sense of discomfort as Ushar hooked an arm under your back and your knees, lifting you into his chest. His steps were slow and smooth as he carried you back to the post. Your old chains were cold to the touch. The longer chain loosened, giving you enough slack to lay your body against the ground, your legs curled up to your stomach. Your once adjusted eyes now struggled to make out your surroundings.

Ushar’s footsteps began to fade in front of you. Finally, he was leaving. White light flooded the room partially, though you still could not point out Ushar’s figure. 

“You never told me,” you managed to say, “why didn’t you tell me he survived.” 

It was a moment before Ushar responded, “it would only have brought you pain, to know.” 

The door sealed behind him, cloaking your ailed body in darkness again. 

\------

“The burns to most of her skin are not severe, however, her hands will need attending to or else they will fester. I have done what I can for the nerves in her palms, but I am afraid she may lose feeling in the right, if not both. A rib has been fractured, but there is currently no internal bleeding or damage detected. She will need extensive bacta treatment if these injuries continue. ” 

Though medical droids were often annoying and overbearing, you always appreciated how straight forward they were. There was never any hand-holding; here are your odds, good or bad. 

You had rested long enough for the soreness to settle in, and for your skin to tighten from the burns. A ripping sound had woken you, and you nearly lashed at the droid, mistaking it for Ushar. The droid was cutting you free of your tunic, and wrapping a cotton fabric around your chest multiple times, tying it secure to keep you decent. 

The droids word repeated in your head, and you went to reply until you realized they hadn’t been talking to you. Your eyes were heavy but opened nonetheless. There was more light in the room now, coming from dimmed panels on the ceiling. 

“That will be all,” the familiar voice modulator responded.

It was then you fully came to. 

The medical droid vanished behind the cell door, leaving you alone with _him_ ; with Kylo Ren. You sat upright on the ground as he approached. 

“Don’t touch me,” the words spat out of your mouth in between two sharp breaths.

His hands paused, the syringe ready to expel whatever liquid lay in the clear container into your body. His head cocked to the side as he studied your response.

“Odd. There was once a time you would’ve begged me to touch you.” 

He turned his attention to the medical tray that was left behind. 

Your mind flared with a mixture of images; some were a fantasy. Your boot kicking a dent in that ridiculous helmet, maybe getting the chains holding you to loop around his neck. 

Others were memories. Images of late-night rendezvous by the shipyard, hushed voices sneaking onto your freighter while the other padawans slept. The small bed that forced your bodies to curl against each other for comfort. The feeling of his breath on your neck, his hands clutching you closer.

He was right, of course. There was a time where you would beg for him to keep touching you, and he was more than happy to oblige. But that was Ben Solo, this is an entirely new person.

And, “that was a long time ago.”

If he was surprised at your lack of venomous rebuttal, he didn’t show it. He instead continued to pick through the medical supplies. He settled on a spray, bacta spray no doubt. You wanted it but wouldn’t dare let him know that.

“You might have succeeded in blasting off the cuff holding your wrists before, but lodging the center of them against the blaster of a barrel was idiotic. I’m surprised there is any skin left on your palms and fingers. You need to let me spray them.” He stilled again, this time facing you.

As idiotic as it might have been, it was also ingenious. To have maneuvered so quickly to press the middle of your handcuffs against the blasters barrel the moment it was fired. 

You stopped yourself before thinking of who might have been impressed with the performance. 

“Or we could let droids do what they’re programmed to do, and save _this_ ,” you gestured between the two of you, “for when you decide to come beat and interrogate me yourself.”

He huffed out a laugh, “leave you alone with a droid so you can make it release you? No.”

Your silence coaxed him to continue, “Ushar takes pride in getting results. He takes pride in taking even the strongest of mind and body and watching them crumble at his touch.”

“Although,” Kylo rose from the medical tray and moved to crouch in front of you, “Ushar also likes to take his time. It is rare for him to lose patience this quickly. His mind didn’t reveal much, but I just know. It has something to do with it being _you_.”

His hand snatched your wrists before you could coil away. You drew a sharp breath as he pulled your hands closer to his body. On the opposite hand, he held a pressurize container that you confirmed was bacta spray.

“You said it yourself in the hanger. I’m-ah- difficult.” The spray stung the exposed nerves of your palm. It lasts only for a moment before the bacta soothed the wounds. 

“I suspect there is more to it,” His hand dropped to spray the skin left rosy from the hot water, “I could search your mind… but I won’t.”

Kylo disposed of the canister and plucked a syringe from the ground. His thick, gloved fingers gave it a flick.

A glance in your direction and he huffed, “concentrated bacta. Just enough to get you back on your feet.”

Concentrated bacta tended to do more harm than good. Similar to the failed E-bacta injections in the days of the Empire, concentrated bacta was highly effective. It also dulled the senses and could be intoxicating. Not as powerful as Spice, but close. 

His hand found your neck, smoothing over the skin. Suddenly you remembered just how exposed you were. The wrap given by the droid covered your chest and fell just above your navel, but your lower body was still bare, your thin cotton underwear keeping your womanhood barely concealed. 

Thoughts of Ben Solo crept to the forefront of your thoughts as Kylo injected the bacta into your neck. 

Before, the thought of him seeing your soft and exposed skin would send your stomach fluttering. His wandering hands, praising you with their touch as he explored the most intimate parts of you. It was once freeing, exhilarating. Now, it only hurt to think of how far away that version of him was. This new version was cold, distant, his touch hesitant. 

“When are you going to,” you could feel the dulling sensation, “tell me why I’m here. What do you want.” 

All movements seemed to still, and your body leaned back heavily on the post. Kylo pocketed the syringe, and cupped your face, “I needed to find you. And now I have.” 

“We’ll talk soon, sweet girl.” He rose to his feet and swiftly exited, leaving you to your solitude. 

You tried to will them away, but the memory of Ben Solo's touch danced through your head nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not too proud of this chapter, but here it is! Online classes have resumed for me so I will try to update as much as I can! I really hoped to be able to update twice a week, but I can't make any promises! Smut is on the way!
> 
> I'm also going to push myself to write longer chapters, as I feel bad for posting such short updates!
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments below, is anyone dying to know about Ushar and readers mysterious past, or have I not made it mysterious enough? 
> 
> Now that they've had a little more introduction, I can assure that Kylo will move to the forefront of the action now! 
> 
> If you guys have any additional questions, comments, critiques, or just want to say hello, you can find me on tumblr ! https://onlykyloscenes.tumblr.com/


	5. Remnants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Intentions are revealed and secrets come out of above average smuggler’s compartments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: only gets a little spicy

_**"Ben…"** _

_**A whisper of your name answered, your back arching as his tee** _ _**th scrape along the soft skin where your neck and shoulder meet. Dark** _ _**tendrils of hair parted as your fingers traveled up the base of his neck,** _ _**gripping from pleasure, desperate to remain in this moment. Your body pushed** _ _**further into his lap, craving to feel more of his skin against you. His hands** _ _**were steady, as they always were, his fingers digging into your hips, granting** _ _**your silent wish. He aided in lifting you and then setting you onto him until** _ _**there was nothing more between you.** _

_**There was only you and Ben, sealing yourselves together,** _ _**finding a tempo that made your body sing. His lips ravished the endless plain** _ _**of exposed skin, biting and bruising from your collar bone up along your neck,** _ _**to the curve of your jaw until they crushed against your lips.** _

_**To kiss Ben was like coming home, a home unlike any other** _ _**you've had. It was like finding a piece of you that you never knew was missing.** _

_**And when he pulled away, you could feet the hole it left until his eyes** _ _**met yours. It was a look that told you all you needed to know; that everything** _ _**you just felt, every thought you just had, was the mirror image of how he felt,** _ _**of what he thought.** _

_**Your hands cupped the sides of his face and brought him** _ _**back to you, his lips hot and soft against yours. You remained tangled** _ _**together, breathing the air between you, hands roaming as the pleasure built,** _ _**not allowing any part of you to still.** _

_**As Ben laid back against the cot, it pushed him deeper** _ _**into you, stretching your core until you sat flush against his hips. Your eyes** _ _**squeezed shut, a moan escaping your slack jaw that only made his blood roar.** _

_**The sound of him growling your name coupled with sultry** _ _**expletives brought your head down, eyes opening to see him sprawled beneath** _ _**you.** _

_**Only it wasn't Ben laid beneath you, hands palming your** _ _**thighs as your hips rotate.** _ _**It was a man, dressed in black, a mask of black and** _ _**silver metal drinking you in.** _

_**It was no longer Ben Solo that called you home, it was** _

_**Kylo Ren.** _

_**There was** _ **something** _**in the distance** _ **_between you. Something more that you couldn't explain through words. It lured_ _you further in, beckoning you, keeping you entranced._ **

_**A jerk of his hips sent you forward, your hands catching** _ _**yourself on his chest. The material was warm and damp, pushing against you with** _ _**each breath he took. His hands grazed your skin, moving around to grip behind** _ _**and grind you down onto him again. Your eyes peered into the black visor, and** _ _**you found yourself unafraid, un-repulsed as you used the hands resting on his** _ _**chest to fuck back onto him. This new pace was erratic, your body aching at the** _ _**line between pain and bliss. His hands forced you back faster and harder, his** _ _**breath becoming choked as he chased his climax. The pressure shook you, your** _ _**breath coming out in strained moans as his cock pulsed inside you.** _

_**You sat back up, hoping to angle him in a way that would** _ _**make you finally fall apart. His knees raised slightly, and you removed your** _

_**hands from his chest, placing them behind you on top of his kneecaps.** _ _**It wasn't until his fingers danced over your skin and** _ _**circled the stiff bundle of nerves that you called out, "Kylo!"** _

__________________________________

"No need to cry out, I'm right here."

A jolt brought you consciousness, sending you up slightly on your side, the room around you foreign momentarily. Your forearm held you up, eyes blinking to adjust. A dream, it had been a dream. You were no longer in your familiar freighter; you were in the detention level of some undisclosed fortress. Being held by the Knights. By _him._

You noticed the lack of cold on your skin and found yourself partly clothed. Not back into the ones you came in; someone had dressed you in a black flight suit.

_**No, not a flight suit. A prison jumpsuit.** _

The top half hung off you, no doubt they were too cautious about removing the restraints on your hands to completely clothe you. Thankfully, it was form-fitting enough that it clung to your lower body. The wrap around your chest and torso remained. You did your best to ignore the dampness between your thighs as you found the voice. 

Kylo Ren was now sitting feet from you, lounging on a stool raised from the floor. His legs spread, elbows resting on top of his knees as he leaned forward. Adorned in the same black material that felt so coarse and warm before. 

"Keep _out_ of my _head,_ " you spat, sitting up to rest your back against the post.

A low laugh came from the mask, "I didn't plant those dreams in your head, I was simply observing. You're welcome to observe mine."

Your heart skipped a beat.

"Though," he continued, "I can't promise they'll be as… tame."

"That would require me to be in the same room with you while you sleep. So unless you're going to bunk here with me, I'd say that's unlikely," you gave the chains holding you a firm shake for emphasis.

His hands flexed between his knees, "I don't plan on keeping you locked in here."

"Then what do you plan on doing, _Kylo_? I told Ushar what you wanted to know, now tell me why I'm here."

The delicate handle you kept on your temper began to slip, and your inquiry came out as a command. The hands flexing at his knees clasped into fists, the leather straining so hard you waited for the seams to tear.

As if on cue, Kylo sprung from his seat until he loomed over you. You braced yourself for a blow, but none came. When you looked back up at him, his head cocked to the side, surveying. Despite the mask, you held the stare, looking for any hint of his intent. The room was silent, save for the sound of Kylo's breathing through the vocoder. Slow, even. The room felt empty, with no hint of tension or malice. With his gaze shielded, you felt blind. Unexpectedly, you yearned to see beyond the mask, you craved the ability to anticipate what would happen next. 

Would he look different? The person before you seemed like an entirely new identity; you found it challenging to picture the face of Ben Solo under it. Would he look at you the way he used to? Would you care if he did? 

_**Enough** _

He lowered himself to your level, keeping a comfortable distance, "you're telling me you haven't figured it out yet. Usually, you see what's coming before it does, know everyone's intentions the minute they step in the room."

"I think that's a little bit of an exaggeration."

It was only a half-lie.

The truth was you had figured out why you were here the minute Ushar mentioned Leia's message. It wasn't that you weren't able to properly get rid of all traces the transmission left, you could. You kept it as proof. Because if she thought there was a chance Luke would reach out to you, you of all people, then maybe it wasn't easy for him to let you go. And if Leia thought that Luke would reach out, if she felt that he might tell you where he was, then Kylo Ren could think the same thing.

"You think I know where Luke is."

His gloved hand reached out to brush your cheek, "No. Because you don't know where he is, but he gave you the tools to find him."

"That's outrageous. Why would – Luke – he wouldn't. No"

You flinched against his touch, eyes searching for any hint of deception, but found none. Not with that ridiculous helmet. It made complete sense to you, why he wears the mask. Not just an ode to his grandfather, no, the cover was to hide his visage. A way to conceal the face of Ben Solo from everyone, and hide the look that couldn't hide anything from you.

"Take off the mask," it came out barely above a whisper.

When Kylo didn't move to remove the mask, you waited for him to refuse. To enter your mind and pursue the reason why you didn't just want to see what's beneath, but why you _needed_ to.

There was a hiss as his hand left your cheek to join the other behind the helmet. A hiss and the muzzle lifted. The helmet slid off and landed on the ground beside you. His head hung out of view, face hidden behind a curtain of dark hair. Slowly, he raised to meet your gaze. The breath you drew in was audible. It was like being thrown back three long years; The two – Ben and Kylo- were indistinguishable in appearance. Two halves of a whole. Brown eyes perched above a prominent nose, his face peppered with small dark marks. His lips tore your gaze away, back to his eyes. The same gaze from three years ago.

"Did that bring you the satisfaction you were looking for?" You wished he had kept the helmet on the moment you heard his voice.

You let your breathing settle, "that didn't bring me anything."

It was only a half-lie.

"Let's go back to that last night," it wasn't malice in his tone, not like with Ushar. Ushar wanted to taunt you with his speeches, but with Kylo, it was different. It was as if he needed something from you. Longed for you to understand, to hear him.

"The night you left the Temple, Skywalker gave you something. A device that can store information sometimes receives information. A device that can only be opened by a Force user."

"A holocron," you finished for him, "Luke gave me a holocron the night I left."

You told your old Master you couldn't accept it, insisted they were for Jedi. He would use them during training sessions from time to time. The one he gave you was different, he claimed.

"He said the Jedi who it originally belonged to would've was like a lot like me," you couldn't meet his eyes as you recalled the memory.

Luke had grown impatient with you, hovering more, insisting on more individual meditation, increasing one on one sessions. He had sensed you wanted to leave, and when it came to pass, the near chaotic energy rattled the air. Your Master didn't lash out, didn't reach into your mind. He simply said-

_**"If you continue down this path, the Darkness will tempt** _

_**you… and then it will consume you,"**_

His voice echoed in your mind, and for a moment, you weren't aware you spoke aloud. Soft, hushed, which you brushed off as a sign, your throat was dry. Hopefully, he hadn't realized what you were recalling.

Kylo waited for you to continue, "I never opened it. I thought- I don't know. I thought he was just trying to prove a point."

"That if you could feel the Force the way we do, you had to be a Jedi. There's the Jedi and the Sith; there is no in-between."

You could feel him trying to pull your attention, but you kept your focus on the door behind him. He said nothing for what seemed like forever. Though you could now see his expression, you couldn't look at him. Not while talking about your past, your shared past.

He gave up trying to grasp your attention, "we couldn't find it in your ship. Did you hide it somewhere?"

 _That_ got your attention.

You laughed, however ingenuine, "how impolite for you to go through my things."

"If you're worried about me tampering with your more intimate possessions, I can assure you I wasn't there. My left everything how they found it," the corner of Kylo's mouth rose an inch.

"I don't like anyone poking around my starship without me knowing."

His head cocked to the side, the corner of his lips curling higher, "you're avoiding my question."

"I'm avoiding giving you what you want, and I'll continue to do so until you just come out with it. Don't be coy with me Ky-lo," you'd give anything to hear it, to feel his intentions.

He smiled then, "I said Skywalker gave you the tools to find him, and it's in the holocron. I need you to tell me where you put it."

You returned the smile, a challenge, "how about you take me to my ship, and I'll show you."

"My Knights thoroughly searched your ship. They would have found it if it was there."

The smile on your face widened, "I know my ship far better than your Knights. It's not hidden in any average smugglers compartment."

You waited while Kylo visibly considered your proposal. If he wanted the holocron badly enough, he'd have to take a leap of faith.

"Look, I won't run, alright? I wouldn't make it passed the system," Kylo wasn't budging, "I just want to get out of this room, just for a little bit."

Kylo didn't answer. He reached for the helmet, slipping it back into place. Rising to his feet, you were sure he'd had enough and would leave you, maybe send Ushar back in to finish what he started. His hand produced the saber at his hip. It ignited with a screech, red flickering from the blade and the cross guards. An invisible rope pulled your wrists forward, towards the glowing saber. Unable to pull free of the grip Kylo had, you glared at him.

"Go ahead," you spat, "add another name to the list."

He blanched for a moment, the words digging into him. You tried to remain stoic as Kylo raised the blade and brought it down. The pain of the saber meeting flesh never came, only the sound of it slicing through metal. The chain holding you to the post was seared through, leaving only the cuffs keeping your wrists bound.

He killed the lightsaber and hooked it back to the belt, and you suddenly felt a twinge of… guilt. You pushed the feeling away as Kylo grabbed the shackles and hoisted you to your feet. Silently, he began to lead you away from the post. You couldn't remember how many days you'd been on the ground, but it was long enough that your legs refused to support your weight. Kylo dragged you the best he could, and eventually, you found your footing.

"How do you expect to chain me back to the post now," you were testing his demeanor.

The blast door opened, and you winced at the sudden light that washed over you. Kylo kept a firm grip on your upper arm, firm but not painful.

He stopped just before reaching the hall leading into the remainder of the facility. Turning to face you, he unwrapped the cowl and held it up.

"I don't plan on returning you to your cell," he said plainly before throwing his cowl over your head.

It smelled of pine and leather, and it was like every inhale cleared your head, brought you to focus. You pushed that aside and fixated on the sliver of light coming through the cowl. It seemed like a waste since you already had seen the way to the cell. Kylo led you through the turns and doors, keeping quiet and keeping a steady grip. If he didn't plan to put you back on the post, maybe he'd let you go. 

_**Now you're being ridiculous**_.

It was a long walk, the only sound coming from the thundering boots and slaps of bare feet hitting the metal ground. You came to a final blast door, a larger one from the sound of it. Cool air chilled the exposed skin of your upper body, and he drove you forward into what had to be the hanger bay. There was a more significant echo, the pair of footfalls traveling further before bouncing back.

The ramp to your starship hissed as it lowered, a sound you could distinguish among hundreds of ships. To those who live their life off the ground, a ship is never just a means of transportation. Your life becomes encased in the fusion of metal and wiring. A ship becomes the home you take with you when planting roots in a system is impossible.

The Knight from the ship, Kuruk, was right when he mentioned the advantage of modifying your ship, although he went to greater, unnecessary lengths with his modifications. For your freighter, yes, there were modifications, but what made it distinguishable were the quirks you didn't feel the need to fix. You stepped onto the ramp, which never fully extends. It always hovered a few inches above the ground, only meeting it when weight was applied.

Kylo removed the cowl, the light blinding you momentarily once again. You were unsure where to settle your gaze. Though it's a weaponized starship, on the inside, it could be mistaken for a luxury yacht. An inconspicuous lounge chair lowered into a ventral gunner position with the pull of a lever, the hatch leading to the living quarters off to the right drew attention from the secret compartments Kylo's men no doubt found. If you were planning an escape, the cockpit in the front of the ship had no blast door separating it from the rest of the vessel, which is why you hadn't moved yet.

"Let's see this above-average smuggler's compartment," he stood in the center of the ship, unsure what to do with himself either. The most terrifying man in the galaxy, unsure what to do with his hands.

Before, Ben was perfectly comfortable with making himself at home, though, then the ship wasn't your only home.

_____________________________________

_**"Where did you get that?! You know we aren't supposed to** _ _**have stuff like this, Master Skywalker will make us clean Runyip pens for** _ _**weeks!"** _

_**Ben's laugh, which was a rare sound more recently, rang** _ _**off the walls of your ship. You both had been tested individually that morning** _ _**by your Master, which meant the rest of the day could be filled with whatever** _ _**you like. Of course, your Master always suggested the free time be spent** _ _**meditating or practicing additional skills. For you and Ben, free time was** _ _**harder to come by, and when it did, you almost always spent it together. Today,** _ _**Ben Solo came bounding in after his assessment, gloating about being the** _ _**superior in your friendship and producing a gift as his proof.** _

_**It was a novel, an actual physical novel. They were rare** _ _**to come by; you had only seen one. This one was tattered, the pages struggling** _ _**to hang onto the spine.** _

_**The sight of it made your stomach flutter, but you** _ _**shielded the mental response from him.** _

_**"Where I got it from is for me to know. Are you telling** _ _**me you don't want it?" His eyebrow raised, and he flashed you the kind of smile** _ _**that made you quickly look away.** _

_**He hopped on the lounge furniture when you lunged for the** _ _**book, holding it high out of your reach.** _

_**"Jedi don't** _ **want** _**, and they don't keep** _ _**material possessions,** _ **especially** _**when they're** _ _**representative of the past," You stepped up next to him, and he let you grab to** _ _**the novel from him, the smile still boring into you.** _

_**Ben followed suit when you sat down on the couch,** _ _**watching as you carefully thumbed through the pages lightly. In the first year** _ _**you knew Ben Solo, he asked if there was anything you missed about life before** _ _**the Temple. While he had a list, the only thing you could think of was this** _ _**novel. Not the exact one you held in your hand, but the same story.** _

_**"I can't read it. I want to – but I can't," you held the** _ _**book out to him.** _

_**Your hands brushed only slightly, and Ben offered you a** _ _**somber smile. He glanced around the ship, which then was as bare as the first** _ _**day you got it. He eyed the door to your quarters and turned back to you with a** _ _**mischievous grin.** _

_**He stood and walked towards the threshold. His hands** _ _**grazed the paneling next to the seams of the door, before settling on a sliver** _ _**of metal. It was undetectable to the naked eye; it's only when you feel the** _ _**wall that you notice the difference in textures. Ben pushed in, releasing the** _ _**hidden compartment as he relieved the pressure.** _

_**You watched him from the couch.** _

_**"That just means we have to hide it. Just because you're** _ _**not going to read it, doesn't mean you can't hold onto it."** _

_**He sealed the wall back in place, "like I said,** _ _**proof of my superiority."** _

_**Ben Solo beamed at the exaggerated-offended expression** _ _**you wore and sprinted for the open fields, not needed to look back to know** _ _**you'd chase him** _

**_______________________________**

The distant echoes of your voices lingered in your mind. You could feel Kylo in your head, an audience to the memory playing there. His head bowed, turned slightly to glance at the wall behind him. 

He moved towards the section of the wall and removed a leather glove. His hands stretched over the wall, skimming to find the texture piece.

"It isn't there," he paused, "the Holocron, it isn't on the ship. I just wanted to get out of that room and see my ship-" you choked on your words as a phantom hand clamped around your throat.

Kylo was towering in front of you in a sudden blur. Your throat burned with every groan of leather, the hand at his side gradually clenching into a tighter fist. When the pitiful remnants of your attempt to draw breath turned silent, your eyes skirted across his mask. It's involuntary, the panic that rises in you, and instinct that leads you to claw at the nonexistent hand at your throat.

The Force was the only thing keeping you on your feet, and when it suddenly disappeared, you dropped to the ground. Air filled your lungs as you panted, your heartbeat pounding in your ears. Feeling began to return to your hands and feet, splayed on the platinum tiling with nothing to grasp.

"Where," his body was rigged, chest heaving with rage, "is it."

You coughed, still trying to gulp down air, "I don't… I gave it to J– to a friend. I gave her most of my belongings from before."

He hauled you up by your elbows and shook you, "and what did this _friend_ do with them?"

"She did what I asked: put them somewhere I'll never be able to find. And now she's dead because of you, but you know what? Even if she weren't, I'd never help you find it. I would _never_ help you find Luke. You mistake my will to survive with broken compliance. Tell me, why would I help the person who killed every person I'd ever known?" The words came tumbling out as you tried to pry away from him.

Your feet dragged helplessly as Kylo forced you against the wall, "because I didn't kill them. I didn't burn down the Temple; you know _nothing_ about the night I left. But I know something about the night you did."

"You think that Skywalker wanting you to know where he's gone is impossible because you think he hates you. But I saw him right before he gave you that holocron. He recorded a message, and it's because of what he said that I know he gave you the key."

Your vision began to blur as water pooled in your eyes.

 **"** You've been fooling yourself for the last three years, twisting the events in your head. Don't you want to know why?" 

Your lips pulled in over your teeth, the tears willing themselves down your cheek.

"Don't you want to know why Skywalker _made you_ leave the Temple?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update took a lot longer than I thought so either I need to plan things out more thoroughly or stop watching shows while writing ahah. 
> 
> As always let me know what you think, this chapter kinda went all over the place I'm not too proud of her. Please send me any critiques, you can comment below or send them to my tumblr asks!
> 
> Thanks for reading! You can find me on tumblr for any questions or inquiries on updates! onlykyloscenes.tumblr.com


	6. Old Parts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A verbose breath left his modulator before he answered, "if you refuse… I'll return you to my Knights, let them decide what to do with you. Ushar will no doubt have a few ideas. Would you like that, little one?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May the 4th be with all of you reading this!

Near the end, Master Luke would often meet you in the meditation temple just after lights out. There were times during training where Luke would work with one Padawan at a time, or accompany a few on a specific mission. He made these excursions for a few different reasons: earning your crystal on Illum, putting your training to the test in real-world scenarios, or needing a new planet- a new environment- to feel the complexities of the Force. In those last few months at the Temple, you found that Luke wanted more from you in training. He could sense you holding back, suppressing something inside you—something you would never consciously allow flow to the surface. None but Ben Solo thought twice about the increased attention.

When Luke realized you wouldn't willingly release yourself during training, he pushed you harder—more time with only him in the meditation temple, more vigorous obstacle courses, more lightsaber training. What was usually a dance through the different forms, to assess which you excelled at, became sparring matches. First one-on-one, then two-on-one, and when that wasn't arduous enough, three-on-one. Two padawans  _ and  _ your Master, against you alone. 

It took five more of what should've been considered sparring ambushes for you to let go. Luke had taken one half of your split saber, clipping it onto his own belt. With only one saber, holding off two of your fellow padawans became a challenge. Your Master claimed relying on the two blades was a crutch, and shamed you for not retaining your mastery of a single saber. It was the perfect "lesson" to cover his honest intentions. By putting you at a disadvantage, it forced your mental guard to drop. If you were unable to maintain the upper hand through physical combat, you had to rely on the Force. When your Master saw an opening to join the spar, he leaped for it, for your then exposed left flank. 

You felt the advance before you saw it, and with the Force subduing one Padawan, and your saber locked with the other- Ben, you exploded. 

To slow persons or objects is not an uncommon ability for the Jedi to employ, but what you did that day was something… more.

In an instant, your Master forcibly took the defensive. You had slowed Ben and his partner, Vos, so much that they seemed frozen in time. The saber you had locked with Ben's moved with your body on instinct, arching down to meet the green saber aimed for your left flank. With a now surfaced place in your mind keeping not just Ben and Vos, but the padawans watching the match in a slowed state of motion, your right hand Forced Luke away from you. 

Not by much, but enough for you to gain the upper hand. You weren't just in a cleverly achieved offensive; you were in a rage. It was quick and sloppy; Luke was easily parrying after catching his footing. Still, you pushed him further back, your limbs recalling the memories from before you earned the split saber. You didn't falter, your haste attacks only becoming more brutal the more ground you gained. It wasn't until you pulled the second half of your blade from Luke's belt, and locked them with his that your mind cleared. It gave you pause, and your Master used the loss of momentum to heave you back. When he did, your arms fell to your side – the last thing he expected. 

You gazed to the setting sun as Luke's advancing swipe met no resistance. He realized a moment too late that your blade had lowered, and the green tip met your jaw. It was there no longer than a second, immediately retracting on contact. 

Ben, Vos, and the others were released. They said nothing, did nothing, but they had seen everything. Luke remained in front of you, trying to draw your attention, but you just looked over his shoulder at the sun. Watched it dip lower and lower and wished you too could slip beneath the horizon for a time.

The others shuffled away from the sparring circle, having been silently dismissed by their Master. 

"Forgive me, young one. I- that was too much. We will meditate in the morning," your Master placed a gentle hand on your shoulder before excusing himself. 

Then alone, you sat crossed-legged on the stone ground, eyes still studying the painted colors of the sunset. A second presence joined you at your side. You didn't need to turn to know it was Ben. He said nothing, only mimicked your body's position. He sat with you, your minds open to each other as they often were when words escaped either of you. He listened as your feelings echoed to him, and in return, he caressed them. His pain met yours; seeing your anger and fear that eclipsed all reason  _ pained him _ . Where you felt guilt for the outburst, he felt remorse for not having the strength to reach you. 

Ben let you see through his eyes, a way of communicating that confused you the first night it happened. You could see yourself through him, he had let you become him through his mind. You could see his hands trying too hard to push against the Force, holding him suspended. His signature stretched, trying to touch the part of you concealed by your anger and frustrations. His thoughts screamed for you, but no matter how much louder he tried to be, you couldn't hear him. The words floated around, laid upon an invisible shield you had unknowingly thrown up, and dissipated into nothing. 

**_ "You're safe." "I'm here." "I see you." _ **

They were the same words you often used to soothe him.

When you had both felt what comfort you could, your minds fleeted back, and you simply sat. Ben's hand rest on your knee as you meditated, a wordless assurance that he was there and would stay. You remained there as a pair, until the sun sank below the horizon, not taking you with it. 

~

The walk from the ship hanger was silent, the emptiness giving way to the painful memory. Kylo led you with a hand on your left arm, daring glances down at you every few steps. There was no sign of him lurking in your mind, though at that point you weren't sure if you'd even notice him there. Your head hung, eyes trained on the ground, glazed and bare. When his head wouldn't cease from turning in your direction, you almost wished he would just take the answers he clearly sought. 

Your accusations before had sparked a rage in him that you had never seen, and it burned through him behind that helmet. He had released you soon after revealing that he knew you didn't  _ choose _ to leave the Temple. Your eyes had glassed over, your lips parting from shock. The black visor, ever so consistent, gave away nothing from Kylo. He released his grip on you when your eyes found the ground, and the tears stopped falling. 

Kylo was true to what he said earlier; you weren't taken back to the room with the post. You did not go back to the detention level. The cowl he had placed over your head then now wrapped around his shoulders. A process, you noted, that he was very meticulous about. When the cowl didn't sit properly, you averted your eyes as he took it off and tried again. 

It was clear you were now in the residential wing of the facility. You walked through a rather spacious area, an alcove with furnishings, and a large window was to your left. To your right, a table stood just before a practical kitchenette. It was oddly… domestic. Complete with all the comforts a sadistic, sexually inactive group of Knights could need. Before Kylo could skirt you to gods knows where your pace slowed. The viewport was circular. Beyond it, a forest unlike any you'd seen, which was saying something considering you'd been to more planets than you could count. It wasn't green and luscious, full of singing birds and babbling brooks; it was dark, desolate. The trees not bare had few branches and little pigment. A slight mist hung in the air; it was near dusk. 

Not phased by your hesitation, Kylo continued forward. From the room with the ominous view, you entered another hallway identical to every other in the compound. The amount of space between each door told you they were the Knight's chambers. It was clear they used this place, this planet, as a home base. They were  _ ghouls _ , and the thought of them having anything as sentimental as a 'home' seemed outlandish. Ushar only ever spoke of one home, the one from before Ren. You had told him of yours in return.

Kylo often spoke of home with you, of the many places he considered to be it. Chandrilla, Hosnian Prime, The Falcon… the Temple. There was a time when the Temple felt like home to him, to both of you. During those first formative years, when there were so few rules and even fewer padawans. It didn't feel like home forever. After all, things rarely work out the way you expect.

You turned left at the end of the hallway and stopped at the second blast door. Kylo opened it and led you into what you assumed would be your new quarters, should you continue to entertain your captors.

The room was unnecessarily spacious. A considerable upgrade from the cell aboard the Knight's ship. Certainly more comfortable than your previous post. A bed sat centered along the far wall, a viewport above the head, giving you a view of that forest of despair beyond the compound. A cushioned chair sat in the corner, a second door a few feet away. No doubt, it led to a refresher. 

Kylo remained just inside the room as you ventured further. 

"Can - I – I'd like to bathe," you didn't turn to face him as you alluded to your request. 

**_ He is not your Master. _ **

**_ Isn't he? _ **

The door to the refresher opened, a silent approval of your request. 

He spoke before you could take a step, "you have until I return to make your decision." 

To find the Holocron for him. With him. To hear the message, Luke left you, and then hand him the key to finding Luke himself. 

"Going somewhere?" You countered.

"Until I return," he would give you no more than that. 

You faced him as he made to leave the room, your movement halting him in place, "what happens if I refuse." 

Kylo let out an amused huff, "what do you think will happen, young one?" 

Your head cocked to the side, surveying his response. 

"Something more creative than dropping me and my ship off a thousand parsecs away, I imagine." 

He was upon you in a few long strides, but you kept your position, only raising your head to meet his mask as he towered over you. The glare on your face couldn't be helped as he dared to reach a hand to your cheek. His knuckles brushed the skin up and down and up again.

A verbose breath left his modulator before he answered, "if you refuse… I'll return you to my Knights, let them decide what to do with you. Ushar will no doubt have a few ideas. Would you like that, little one?"

His hand traveled to the back of your head, giving the surely matted mess a stroke. Pain flickered through your scalp as he suddenly gripped a large section. The discomfort was hard to conceal, and your wicked gaze bore into his mask. 

"I suggest you not refuse." He released the hold and slowly made his exit, knowing he needn't worry about turning his back to you. 

____________________________ 

A bacta patch was waiting on the bed when you finished in the refresher. No doubt for the bruise left from the fractured rib, along with other damage, the concentrated shot didn't heal. One of the less agreeable patches, applied pressure, would send several minuscule needles into the skin to administer the bacta. 

The droid, to your disappointment, had been right before. In the refresher, which felt like the first genuine shell of privacy you'd had in weeks, you took the time to examine your hands. The spray had done a great deal of repair, but the skin still looked… tight… mangled… and had no sign of fingerprints. You expected as much and hadn't paid heed to the risks when you held your wrists to that blaster. 

It was what else the droid predicted that you hadn't expected. 

And when you reached to turn on the refresher, to grab the closet soap bar to sweep away the stench of captivity, ran your hands through your grown out hair; you noticed. There was no feeling in your right palm when you touched the settings, the soap, your hair. It seems all the bacta could reverse the nerve damage, as the droid warned. You remained in the shower long after the stream felt like ice raining down on you until waves of rose and bergamot eclipsed the smell of musk and sweat.

The bacta patch felt like nothing under your right hand as pressed it into the skin. A quick intake of breath was the only indication of the multitude of pricks entering your skin at once. The patch was unnecessarily large; the smallest of movements had the needles pulling this way or the other uncomfortably. 

You might have stopped to wonder who stayed here before, had a sleep not beckoned you to crawl between the sheets. Foregoing the soiled flight suit, you curled up in nothing but your skin. Any aches remaining from the weeks detained by the syndicate and Kylo's horde diminished, and, despite everything, you fell asleep unafraid of waking up. 

__________________________________

Two days went by, now more easily tracked thanks to the window. A platter of food sat on the side table each time you woke. Another was left outside the door when the sun began to set. Kylo hadn't returned, and there was no sign of the Knights. Of course, you hadn't left your quarters, but you doubted any of them would give up the opportunity to torment you unsupervised. It was a welcome reprieve, though you knew it wouldn't last. 

You had visitors midday on the third day. The door hissed open as you stood on the bed, watching the forest outside. Sunlight barely touched the ground, and in the hours you spent gazing out the window, you saw no sign of native life. 

You had guessed who came into the room before he spoke.

"Three days, and the only thing you want to look at it that damn forest." 

"I happen to know for a fact that the trees won't attack me if I walked by," you turned to face Ushar, not hopping down from the bed. 

He was masked as always, looking all too comfortable in your space. He held a large container in his arms, various tools, and dismembers droid parts hanging over the edge. Familiar droid parts. You awkwardly climbed from the bed as Ushar sat against the wall furthest from you. The familiarity struck you as he unloaded the tools and parts, meticulously arranging them on the floor between you two. Scraps of what looked like a recon droid, smaller than a probe but more substantial than a seeker. But surely it wasn't-

Ushar emptied the bin, "you'll have to make proper introductions when you accept Ren's offer." 

Curiosity had you moving to sit on the other end of the pile, facing Ushar. 

"Because attacking me, detaining me, and forcing me to watch you murder my friend wasn't introduction enough? " 

A quick scan of the array of metal confirmed what you thought. This assortment of droid scraps once fit together perfectly as your droid, ID-1023. IO, to you. It made sense that they would tear him apart, there was no way to siphon any information unless you ripped out his internal processor. 

Ushar tracked your gaze and explained, "managed to sneak back on board your ship before we towed it from the arena. I told them it was pointless; you're too careful with the information the droid stores."

He pulled the thick black gloves off his hands, "we can reassemble him together," Ushar removed his helmet, "if you're going to be Ren's pet, we'll have to get along."

"I have not agreed to be his anything," your voice lacked the usual venom as you turned your attention to the fallen droid, "and I wouldn't have to get along with you if you had left me well alone.  _ And  _ Jissani."

You dared a glance at him through your eyelashes. Only a couple years older than Ren, too young to be such a notorious murderer. He keeps his head shaved, never letting it grow more than a few centimeters. His face was washed pale from the lack of sun exposure, the rugged texture doing little to hide the fact that Ushar is, painfully, attractive. His eyes danced like the waves of the deepest oceans—eye, not eyes. 

"I killed her to save myself from Ren's wrath, and it is wrath like you've never seen. You bested me and this time I had an audience. I do not regret what I did, but I regret making you watch. Today is the last I'll speak of it."

You met his stare and took in what was different. His left eye was going, marred only by a scar that stretched from his eyebrow to his cheek. 

**_ Ren's wrath _ **

You made sure not to linger on the scar, and show no hint of surprise. Pushing the thought of how it did nothing to make Ushar less beautiful, you began assembling. 

"I'll grant you absolution if you now save me from his wrath," you said, passing him the part he needed. 

Ushar took it, and went to work, "that's not a bargain I can make little Padawan, and you know it. I also know that there's no way you don't want to find the Holocron."

He passed a wrench to you, and you nodded in thanks. "Of course, I want to find it, and I will. I just don't want to lead him to it. Finding Luke… it wouldn't bode well for Ren, no matter what the outcome." 

"Then refuse him," Ushar quickly assembled the legs, "he'll leave you here with me and go off on his search."

The laugh left your lips before you thought to care, "while we do what? Go on our own hunt for it? Stay here so you can find new ways to torment me until I bend to your will? He would kill us both"

"Who says he'll be around," the look on your face told him you caught on.

Ushar was thinking about killing your old friend. For a moment, you considered it, including the utter stupidity. The Ushar you knew was careful, his ideas calculated. If he had a plan, he thought it through five different ways. But, this. This Ushar was desperate, reckless even. He never liked being anyone's lackey, and every Knight is more possessive of the things they deem theirs than the last. It's only an unfortunate coincidence that the thing Ushar and Kylo seem to both want to some capacity is you. But if they were both too focused on each other, you could come out on either side unscathed. 

"Okay, Ushar. I'll play along."

You were silent as he explained, not ceasing from putting IO back together. And when he finished, you nodded a silent agreement and kept going. Ushar didn't press you and worked alongside you until a chime from his commlink sent him on his way. With him gone, you moved what little work you had left to your bed. Another half-hour of rewiring and you finished. 

Io hummed to life, and you didn't stop the victory cry that sent your arms in the air. At the same moment, the door to your quarters opened, and he was back. 

Not Ushar, but Kylo. 

Io was still booting up when you moved to stand at the foot of the bed. To say Kylo was tense would win you the award for understatement of the cycle. His body remained rigid, his breathing hard, but controlled. His fists clenched and unclench from beneath the black layers. The many layers of cloth and armor glistened, and you realized they were wet. A glance at the red trail behind him confirmed that it was blood. He must have come straight from his ship. Kylo scanned you slowly, and then scanned the droid now floating behind you. 

"Where. Did you get that." He growled through the vocoder. 

You sent the thought to the forefront of your mind as you said, "recycling facility."

It might have been where Ushar found it because Kylo accepted the lie without question. 

"I'll help you, and after, you'll let me go. You swear that then swear you'll keep your hounds leashed, and I won't lie, and I won't run."

"Do not make the mistake of seeing this as a negotiation."

Kylo is not gentle, that became clear the first time you saw him In all his masked glory, but there was something about the way he lingered. His hands hovered over your cheek with a vile restraint, as if he was unsure how to make physical contact without damaging you. Stuck between claiming what he deemed his in every vicious manner he could, and keeping a firm, absolute grasp on it. His body yearned to know what it was like to just, reach out and feel your skin, but underneath, you knew there was an iron beast, one only sated when he found violent pleasures, both yours and his.

It was soft, his touch at first before his gloved hand moved to cup your jaw and squeezed until your mouth opened ever so slightly. "I would do horrendous things to each of them if they tried to have you… and when I'm through with them, I'll do even more terrible things to you.

His body bent to press his muzzle to your ear, "and I won't stop until you and your body  _ scream  _ for me. When that happens… you won't want to go anywhere."

When he left, Io hovered closer to you and sang a few concerned tones.

"I'm not completely sure what's happened to me," you answered.

It was the truth, you realized. Because all of his threats did nothing to douse the embers slowly flickering to life inside you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow wow wow I'm so sorry this took so long, I feel so bad I'm posting without having read through her completely. If you're still here reading, thank you! I vow to get more updates asap and live up to the promise of smut... in the next chapter! School is out and I'm ready to get back in gear! Thank you again for reading. I am finally piecing together where I want this story to go, so I hope you all stick with me! as always, you can find me on tumblr! onlykyloscenes.tumblr.com ! xo


	7. Ghost of Coruscant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You couldn't help but grin at the empty threat, "You won't kill me, Ky-lo. You need me; you have nothing to do with all of that anger." 
> 
> "Don't be so sure of that. I'm going to make you cry for me, little one. Then, you'll wish you had been quiet." Kylo took a step closer, his pelvis pressing against your pinned hands. It was then you felt it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm so terrible at this but I promise to go back to weekly updates!!
> 
> TW: oral (M receiving), dubious consent

You stared at the onyx mask that had been waiting on the edge of your bed when you woke. It had to be a joke, you thought initially. A strange form of cruelty that fit Ushar so well, but was infuriating coming from _him._ The night-black armor-plated suit that laid beside the mask was unfamiliar. The suit clung to your body like a second skin. Little was left unimaginable, as the chest armor curved around your breasts. It followed your ribcage around to your back and capped over the tops of your shoulders. There was an accompanying poncho, utility belt, and boots that were only half a size too big. 

The masked helmet, you recognized; the way it morphed around the facial features while still concealing any glimpse of identity. 

It was the very one you held your saber just below not long ago. It belonged to the woman Knight; Corpis. 'Belonged' because you killed her. 

And her mask was now meant to be yours. 

A cruel joke. You deserved it. 

It felt as much of a jest as it did an invitation. _Look at what you did and see what you can become because of it_.

You knew what Kylo would see when you finished dressing, save for the mask that still lay on the bed. Kylo would see you in a way he couldn't see himself and think that he could remake you just as he was. Outed from the peacemaking tan clad Order and lured into the ranks of Ren's war hounds. 

Io hovered nearby but remained in the confined room when you left; although Ushar had given your droid companion back, Io could not pass through the room's threshold due to a restraining bolt. It was just as you remembered, and you quickly found the Knights gathered in the room with the large window. They immediately tensed at the sight of you, all except Ushar, seated at the table. His helmet laid discarded on its surface. He looked smug as he took in the unworn mask you held at your side. 

"I suggested we give you her clothes, but with those tits, it would be a tight fit." He said, leaning back in the chair. 

Without chains, nothing was stopping you from launching at him. Without your lightsaber, the best you could do was wrap your hands around his throat. He didn't move to resist and reveled in the positioning of your thighs straddling his hips. 

"It was a pretty offer," you spoke so only he could hear, alluding to his master plan, "but also a fool's one."

You squeezed and squeezed as much as you could until a command had two Knights ripping you off of Ushar. 

"Do that again, and you won't like the outcome," Kylo's voice came from the corner of the room. 

"I'm not wearing this damned mask," you spat, ripping out of the Knight's hold.

The Knights stepped away from you. A look from their Master and they left the room, save for Ushar. When Kylo turned to him, he slowly put the helmet back on and followed where the others went. Not so smug anymore.

Now alone, Kylo strode towards you and took in the sight of you dressed in all black to match his own. 

He reached behind him, and an audible click sounded, "if we are to succeed," he produced your lightsaber now whole, "you need to trust me. And my Knights."

You knew it was true, but you wouldn't admit that to him. Killing Ushar or Kylo would only complicate things. All you offered was a nod in understanding—anything to feel the weight of the saber in your palm. Kylo, let you take the weapon with your right hand. You couldn't feel the glove covering your right palm, but you felt the pressure of the grip throughout the rest of your hand. It would appear you would have to lead with your left-hand from now on. 

The familiar sensation of it clipped to your hip gave you a sense of completion.

"Don't expect me to be the obedient dog like your other Knights. I'm no knight."

He chuckled beneath the mask, "You're right. You're not like my other Knights," He closed the distance between you and took the helmet from your hand. 

Your breathing hitched as he raised the helmet above your head. Kylo didn't falter as he lowered it, obscuring your view for a brief moment. Surprisingly, there was no tint to through the visor. His hands remained on either side of your now concealed face. With a small twist, it clipped into place, and the outside world became distant.

"Not a Knight," his voice purred through the helmet, "but you would look perfect alongside them." 

After a moment, the invisible line holding you close to him eased, and you stepped out of his light grasp, "can we begin now?" 

An amused hum left his modulator, "Eager to search the systems with me, little one?"

"Eager to find what I want and find a system _away_ from you," you wished he could see the _sweet_ devilish grin you were giving him.

Any offending expression he wore stayed behind the mask. Silently, he turned and strode for the flight deck, and although he gave no command, you followed. The Knight's ship was gone, leaving yours, a fancy looking TIE, a shuttle, and a few other smaller vessels. 

Kylo led you to the Upsilon class shuttle. As you ascended the lowered ramp, someone exited. They wore no uniform you recognized. Didn't appear to be a part of the First Order or the Knight's Order. You noticed that the man kept his head down but managed to slip a sideways glance at you as he passed. It was an odd sight, the only other sign of occupancy in this desolate compound.

You paused, slightly shaken, and watched him maneuver through the hanger. Only once the ramp began to close did you make your way to the cockpit. Kylo was already seated, performing a pre-flight check. He finished as you took your seat in the co-pilot's chair. 

Kylo took hold of the controls and lifted the shuttle from the hanger. In no time, you watched the stars grow closer through the viewport. 

"Set the coordinates," He commanded.

He would not ask again. 

You were unsure of what you might find, walking the path Jissani did, but you knew there was a chance the beginning of the trail could be the end as well. 

And so you punched in the coordinates, as he requested. 

"Coruscant," He mused. 

You settled back in the cold seat, "Two former Jedi searching for their Master on the planet where the Order ended. Fitting." 

He did not answer; he only pushed the shuttle into hyperspace. You watched the stars streak by, and suddenly you were beaming closer to the past.

\-----

Coruscant changed after it fell. The once home of the Republic now bowed to the First Order. There was a time when you thought Coruscant's lower levels would be a decent place to hide. Right under the First Order's nose, under _his_ nose. That plan quickly shattered when it became apparent that Snoke enjoyed visiting the planet, basking in the glory of the fallen world. 

You thought back to your surprise upon learning Jissani had chosen to make her final home in the very lower levels you considered. 

Kylo had landed the ship in the upper levels, which was under strict First Order control. A sea of stormtroopers, lieutenants, privates, academy cadets bustled about to perform post-flight checks on the shuttle. Your lightsaber was separated, each side clipped to one hip, but couldn't help but rest a comforting hand on the hilt as you weaved through the parting crowds. The cloak concealed them anyways, making you appear just to be one of the Knights of Ren following their Master. It did not slip your mind that Kylo walked beside you and not in front. 

There were some looks of recognition from those who dared to look at the two of you. Lieutenants stopped to stare; Stormtroopers nudged each other to bring attention to you.

"I can sense your curiosity without trying. Corpis often accompanied the Knights to Coruscant. It was her home once."

It did not take much to convince yourself of the cruel words; you did not care to hear about Corpis's life.

He stopped just before another shuttle that would take you to the lower levels.

You spoke before you could hear whatever he might have said, "Then she should have stayed." 

Though First Order soldiers crewed the shuttle, it appeared to be a standard private shuttle. The engine seemed to work overtime to keep up the ruse. 

Once the vessel embarked, Kylo donned a ratted cloak with a hood big enough to keep his helmet concealed to the shadows. 

He tossed a second cloak to you, betting you would catch it before it smacked you in the face. You did. 

The lower levels were… different from the last time you saw them. It was nearing curfew, the small amount of natural light that reached this far, slowly disappearing from these depths. The streets, which were usually bustling with traffic, were sneaker stranded—the odd civilian rushing to get into the safety of their homes before curfew flitted here and there. But the shops, the food stands, the betting houses; all closed down for the night. 

Luckily, the warehouse you knew Jissani bought out at an auction after the owner got locked up for illegal trade, was close to all transportation drops. Gave little time to flee if need be, but the number of potential escape routes was worth it. 

You tried not to think about if she used one in an attempt to flee Ushar. 

"It's just through here," You muttered, turning into an alley that led to the warehouse.

A look at the outer door told you that Ushar hadn't entered through the cargo hold when he found Jissani. The panel controlling the door's motor was untouched and required a passcode you did not know.

Kylo's body suddenly pressed against yours, caging you to the door. His muscled strained against your protests, your strength nothing compared to his. He lowered his hidden face to your ear, like a lover whispering sweet nothings. In an alternate universe, this could be you hurrying to bed after a night out, Kylo too eager to wait for the doors to open. 

You could push away the alluring fantasies, as you heard the group of men stalking into the alley—drunken, loud men out ten minutes past curfew. You could only hope that they would keep moving. Kylo clearly thought his show would keep the men to themselves.

One of them, it seemed, had a few too many tonight.

"Now that's worth staying out after curfew," He slurred, alluding to the way Kylo now let his hands hold your hips, "Perhaps we can have a go once you're finished with her, aye?"

What was meant to draw attention away from the two of you breaking into a building, became the very thing spurring this man on. 

You turned in Kylo's grip and leaned your back against the cold metal, to keep the now approaching man in your line of sight. 

As he drew closer, Kylo's fingers dug harder into your hips. Slowly, his right hand drifted to the black saber.

The sound of it dislodging from the clip had you purring to the man, "If you're brave enough to stay out, I'll come looking for you later." 

Kylo went rigged, the hand on your body threatening to bruise.

Two of the man's companions continued on their way, their pleased murmuring, becoming lost in the acoustics of Kylo's haggard breath. 

Their friend, who must have a death wish, lingered.

He took another step, and Kylo snapped. The saber cast a haunting red glow in the dark alley. You sprung into action as he turned to cut the man down. With your saber, you managed to get in front of Kylo, his saber meeting yours before meeting the man's flesh.

The man jumped at the opportunity to scurry away, not daring to call for his friends or any patrolling officers. Alone in the alley again, you pushed Kylo's saber with yours. Once it wasn't near enough to slice you in half, you killed your own and turned back to the door.

"Are you incapable of deescalating a situation _without_ throwing your saber at someone, or do you simply enjoy watching them piss themselves in fear?" You said as you placed your lightsaber hilt to the control panel, meaning to sear through the inner locks.

"Are you incapable of using the Force to your advantage, or do you simply like being helpless against everyone?" He spoke the insult casually, already having put the answer to half of his statement together. With a wave of his hand, the blast door opened—a taunt.

Of course, you _could_ use the Force; you would not be in this situation if you weren't Force-sensitive. Luke Skywalker would never have plucked you from your parents, Jissani Pashol would still be killing for the Syndicates. Ben Solo, well, he might have stayed the same course. No Holocron could let you see if he would never have fallen had you been around or not. 

Yes, you _could_ use the Force, whenever it felt like bending to you; and it had not done so often in a long time. It was another way the world left you alone, without even the comfort of that energy there to soothe your mind. You could sense it there, feel the way it curved and flowed; it just wouldn't allow you to touch it. If you were able to, you would be back on Inferium-1, cutting a new deal with the Syndicates. 

But you weren't able to, and you weren't on Inferium-1. You were on Coruscant with the New Ben Solo, following ghosts. 

The storage hold of the warehouse contained mostly closed empty containers left from the previous owner. Jissani kept whatever was left, in case anyone broke in thinking the warehouse abandoned. The apartment upstairs was bare when Jissani bought it and was now painted with her memory. 

Again, there was no sign of entry to the apartments, no sign of any struggle. Everything looked like it was left where it belonged. Not that there was much in the studio in terms of personal belongings. The kitchen food canisters laid untouched on the counters, nothing that required anything more than a little heat to be edible. There was little more than a tattered couch in the rest of the main room of the apartment. 

The bedroom, on the other hand, was filled with remnants of Jissani. Tokens from distant planets, posters of podrace schedules, colorful rugs blanketing the floor, looking worn as if she laid on it when her bed felt too soft. A sentiment you could relate.

"It's a big warehouse, surely we can search separately," You finally said to Kylo, who was lurking in the doorway. 

His footsteps thumped on the carpets as he entered, "I thought you were certain it would be here." 

The tone made your guard immediately lift. You could hear the anger struggling to breakthrough. 

You found the courage to face the coming storm, "It very well could be. I can't focus on searching if you're trailing my every step." 

The storm blew in. Kylo's fist swung parallel to the floor to crash against the steel wall, the sconce light shattering upon impact.

"Can you not _FEEL_ it? It's. Not. Here." Each word was thunder, followed by the lightning of his red saber striking throughout the room.

The walls were shredded metal, the melted edges glowing in Kylo's wake. You could only watch as he tore through the memory of your friend. With every crash of the saber went another piece of her from the room and your mind. 

When he finished, you thought he might collapse with how his chest heaved at each breath. 

"No. I can't." A dead end. This was supposed to be the end. Even if she wasn't a Jedi, Jissani knew valuables when she saw them. It made sense for her to keep them close. It made _sense_ for it to be here.

You continued while Kylo still burned with anger, "What? Your first lead didn't turn out how you expected? How unfortunate," you say, pushing out your lower lip in mock disappointment, to deflect from your equal frustration.

"Be silent," He warned, saber poised to lash out again. 

An unlikely request, you thought. "It's obvious she took 'somewhere I'll never find' quite literally. Perhaps you should have been more prepared for potential dead leads." 

He was on you in an instant, trapping your wrist together without touching you. The still screaming saber hovered beneath your chin, warming your throat. The warmth slowly spread it's way down down down. "I said. Quiet."

Although it might entice the saber closer, you pushed on, "If you'd rather pry potential locations from my mind yourself, feel free."

He was ballistic, corralling you back to the nearest wall as he snarled, "Do _not_ provoke me. If you're withholding, you'll find that things can become most unfortunate. For you." 

You couldn't help but grin at the empty threat, "You won't kill me, Ky-lo. You need me; you have nothing to do with all of that anger." 

"Don't be so sure of that. I'm going to make you cry for me, little one. Then, you'll wish you had been quiet." Kylo took a step closer, his pelvis pressing against your pinned hands. It was then you felt it.

A thick, impossible length between his legs twitched as it came into contact with you. The sound of Kylo's ragged breathing sang from the mask. It wasn't until he doused the saber that you heard your own breath matching his. 

Ben, Ben, Benyour body whispered. 

**_No. Not Ben. Not Ben._ **

Without missing a beat, he pushed you against the wall, and then down onto your knees. The impact sent waves of shock through your body. His hands tore the helmet from your head, taking a few strands of hair with it. Your yelps of pain went unheard as Kylo ripped through his layers. 

Your heart pounded through your ears when his intentions clicked. 

"You're fucking joking," You seethed, moving to push back to your feet. 

His hand landed on the top on your head, shoving you back down with enough force you had to brace your hands on his thighs to keep from falling face-first into his crotch. 

Kylo laughed through his modulator, "I'm tired of hearing that fucking mouth. I told you I'd make you quiet, but I think I'd rather hear you fucking cry and gag on me like a little whore." 

Before you could make to move again, his hand locked onto your jaw, prying it open while the other hand finally freed his cock.

It waved thick and heavy from the momentum, the tip red and hot with need. An angry vein traveled the considerable length of him. You didn't wish for it, damn you, you did not wish for him to have this effect on you. But the memories of what Ben Solo could do with that hard member swarmed your thoughts and made your mouth water. 

Your mind pulled in different directions, but Kylo Ren only cared to pull you in his own. With his cock now free, and your jaw held open, he shoved the length into your drooling palette. This was new territory for the two of you, and it was clear the way you wretched on his cock while he fucked your throat. 

With no time to adjust, you found yourself pulling away as he forced himself further in. 

"Oh no, you don't," He growled, grabbing at the back of your head to set the pace.

The brief reprieve gave you time to prepare for the next onslaught. Kylo fucked himself with your mouth, chasing the sounds of your cried moans. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, tears slowly beginning to form in the corners. 

Kylo's moans broke through the mask, huffs of breath as he claimed his pleasure. His fingers gripped your hair harder, harder, until you were protesting around his pulsing cock. 

"Yes, yes, yes. Take it." He blabbered, groaning around his words. 

His pace slowed, the ferocity of each pump sent your head pushing back against his hand, his cock dragging along your tongue. Your jaw relaxed, the pleasure seeping in through the pain in your head, your throat. 

You felt each of his thrusts deep in your core, your clit beginning to ache with abandonment. Pleasure overtook you, begged for more more more. 

Kylo's moans grew louder, and his hips stuttered with each plow into your mouth. He drove his cock deeper and deeper into your throat until you gagged and heaved, and tears spilled over your cheeks. And then with, one, two, three more roll of his hips, hot bursts of cum poured down your throat. 

He kept his throbbing cock deep in your mouth, "You better fucking swallow it. Alll of it." 

With your eyes squeezed shut, you swallowed against his length, the salty cum sateing your arousal for now. Kylo pulled from you, his cock softening and shining with your spit. His heavy breathing began to even out as his tucked himself away. 

You sat there, heaving in the free air, hands holding your weight on your knees. After a moment, when you came down from the high of arousal, you collected yourself and stood. Suddenly thankful for Corpis’s mask, you quickly fastened it in place, not wanting him to catch the untrained expression on your face.

**_No. Not Ben. Not anymore._ **

And maybe, you thought, that might not be such a bad thing.


End file.
